Honest Advice Needed!

[froggylover227]

As some of you may know from my previous posts, I am in a long-distance relationship with someone who lives 4 hours away. We have both agreed that within the next year and a half, I will be moving up to him. Yes, we have planned it all out, discussed how it will work and he has informed his family about it. Now, I have to inform my family, and this is where I need some advice.

His family is laid-back, they know me very well since I usually go up to see him once a month, so of course they had no qualms about the news. But my family on the other hand is different. They only met him once, and that is due to the fact that it's much harder for him to get off of work and more of an inconvenience for him to travel down to me. I plan on him coming down a few more times before the move, and I want him to be here with me when I discuss this with them.

I know it's a huge life-changing decision, so I'm not looking for lectures from anybody. I already know exactly what I have to do to prepare for this, such a finding a job up there, brining up enough money, etc. I'm just looking for some honest advice as how to break this news to my family. I know they are probably going to be shocked and upset, as we are pretty close-knit. But this is the best decision for me, and it's something that I want more than anything. I don't like where I am living right now, and I have always dreamed of getting out of this state, so I wouldn't expect him to move down here. I enjoy it up by him, it's a beautiful area and it feels like home.

I've never had to make such a huge announcement to my family, and I'm worried they are going to get mad at me or something like that. But this man is my soul mate, and when I'm with him, I'm so happy, and I know and he knows that this is the right thing for us. I plan on still staying in touch with my family, visiting them at least once a month. Again, I'm not looking for anything along the lines of "Are you sure you love this person and he loves you? How will you support yourself? Why doesn't he move to you instead?". The decision has been made, I'm just looking for some real-world advice from anyone who may have had a similar situation to deal with, or just anyone who can provide me with some ways to go about making this announcement a little easier, as I am quite nervous about the reaction I'm going to receive from my family.

Any and all advice is much appreciated, thank you and God bless!

[Nancy5]

I would have him come down and visit with your family more. I know they will not understand and approve after only meeting him once.  You are their baby and you moving away to live with someone they don't know they won't approve.  Hopefully after a few visits they will learn to love him.  I don't know how old you are and how old he is but if you both are mature adults and roughly the same age I would say go with your heart.  People move away every day some even across the country.  If you truly love each other don't lose each other. Good luck and keep us posted.

[bremer51]

The only reason they may be upset is because they are afraid for you.  Afraid you don't know him well enough, afraid you're thinking with your heart instead of your head, afraid the relationship won't work out.  You will have to show them this right for you and you have a plan in place.  He needs to spend more time with them to calm their fears. Change is always difficult, but we make it through.

[dreamyxo]

I'm assuming your over 18 but do you still live with your family?  What's the worst that can happen when you tells them?  Will they disown you?  Just tell them and get t over with.  They have another year and a half to deal with it.

[countrygirl12]

Personally, I do not see what the big deal is?  Are you an adult?  Are you over 18?  If you are then you can do whatever you want to do.  You really do not owe your family a huge explanation.   It also doesn't really matter what they think of your boyfriend.  It matters what you think.  And if they only see you once a month they don't really know you.  You can't see someone once a month or less often and know them.  In situations like that people are on their best behavior.  You can only know someone if you are with them all the time.

[oldbuddy]

From the parents perspective, we were married before living together so of course that is our strongest desire for our kids too. However, 3 of our 6 kids started out living with their significant others and two got married after a few years, but one is in his 40's and after two divorces is living with another one and will probably never get married again. His last wife left him for another woman.

That being said, we don't feel bad because none of them asked us first and love all of them just the same, as well as all of their children. Social Conventions can't replace family ties in my opinion.

[linderlizzie]

I just hope you both intend getting married. Living together is not all it's cracked up to be since there's really no commitment. (Too easy to call it quits, you know).

I bet they would be happy if you told them that you were getting married and not just cohabiting. 

Anyway, it really doesn't matter what they think if you have your mind made up. I'm sure they love you and will accept whatever you decide to do. Maybe not right away, but later. Just show up together and tell them the truth.

Waiting until the right moment never works. Get it over with as soon as possible, and be sure to let them see how happy you are together. 

[tgreen20]

My suggestion would be put God first in you life, work on having a strong relationship with God.....

[BlackSheepNY]

When I decided I'd be moving and had to tell my family, I just told them.  My family knew I no longer wanted to be where I was, and although it came as a small shock to them, they knew they had to accept it because I was going come hell or high water, LOL.  When I left, I moved across the country, which meant I wouldn't see my family again until at least Christmas time.  There were no fights or screaming or yelling.  They understood.  I just felt that they would miss me and I told them I would be in touch at least once a week, which I was.  Honesty is the best policy.

[mardukblood2009]

This is very ironic. I had a girlfriend most of the year who lives 4 hours away and all I can say is it is not working out. I am so sad about it too. I wish things where way different but they are not. Let's just say it did not work for me. I almost felt like I wrote the post that you just wrote.

[oldbuddy]

I just hope you both intend getting married. Living together is not all it's cracked up to be since there's really no commitment. (Too easy to call it quits, you know).

I bet they would be happy if you told them that you were getting married and not just cohabiting. 

Not to mention it sets a precedence, why buy the cow when you get the milk free?

[froggylover227]

Yes I am over 18. 29 to be exact. I was living on my own but am now back with my parents due to a divorce. So I have no intention of ever getting married again, and my boyfriend knows that and is fine with it as he never really intends to marry either. Marriage is a just a piece of paper and a ring. It's supposed to mean love, but doesn't always. And I learned that the hard way. But ultimately, me and him love each other, we know we want to be with each other forever, and I know in my heart this is the best thing for me, I'm just hoping the rest of my family understands. Thanks for all the advice so far!

[countrygirl12]

Yes I am over 18. 29 to be exact. I was living on my own but am now back with my parents due to a divorce. So I have no intention of ever getting married again, and my boyfriend knows that and is fine with it as he never really intends to marry either. Marriage is a just a piece of paper and a ring. It's supposed to mean love, but doesn't always. And I learned that the hard way. But ultimately, me and him love each other, we know we want to be with each other forever, and I know in my heart this is the best thing for me, I'm just hoping the rest of my family understands. Thanks for all the advice so far!

They more than likely will.  But marriage is more than a piece of paper.  Just living together doesn't mean love either.  If you are not married and he is in an accident and on life support you can sit in the waiting room and get info from his family.  A girl friend is not immediate family.  I can see you being gun shy about getting married again but how long did you date the first time?  Not that it matters because people are good at hiding who they really are. lol

[batmobile]

marriage is hard, but no intention of marrying is not wise either.  why buy the cow if milk is free?  not cool in God's eyes.  I been divorced too, but if I find the right one I would love to get married again.  It is not just a piece of paper.  It is a serious commitment & vow.  Why try for a relationship & live with them if it isn't serious?  Can you trust that person really? What is the point? that is illogical to be lukewarm.  life is too short to be so comfortable in a frivolous, impractical lifestyle.   

[countrygirl12]

marriage is hard, but no intention of marrying is not wise either.  why buy the cow if milk is free?  not cool in God's eyes.  I been divorced too, but if I find the right one I would love to get married again.  It is not just a piece of paper.  It is a serious commitment & vow.  Why try for a relationship & live with them if it isn't serious?  Can you trust that person really? What is the point? that is illogical to be lukewarm.  life is too short to be so comfortable in a frivolous, impractical lifestyle.   

My response to that is "I am not a cow".  The same with saying "Would you buy a car without taking it for a test drive".  I am not a car.  And if sex is all they care about then they are not worth keeping around any way.