Household arrangement

[sgluckadoo]

If one person is working (40+ hours and with a commute), should the other non-working person be responsible for the cooking and cleaning? Should dinner be on the table? Groceries bought? Laundry done? Is this a fair arrangement? Would love your thoughts.

[Nancy5]

I might get a lot of negative responses, but when I worked full time and my husband worked full tine we split the household jobs.  When I stopped working and he still worked full time I did 90% of the household chores (grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc).  He still does yard work (cutting grass, trimming bushes) on weekends.  I don't think it is fair for him to come home after working all day and have to cook, clean, etc. when I am home all day.  Just my opinion.

[dreamyxo]

Yes.

[inertia4]

I think that all depends on the situation. Being a full time mother that stays home is a hard job without a doubt. Cleaning alone is manual labor. So, I think that is the woman decides to start cooking or does cook dinner, the husband, when he gets home should clean the dishes and take the kids of they have any for a bath.

[Timberlan127]

I think if one person works outside of the home and the other stays home their job is to take care of the house. There are things that come up some times but as a general rule I feel that is an exceptable expectation. I no longer work but my husband does so I do all the home related tasks.

[JaniceSW]

There are always extenuating circumstances, such as how many children there are, do all the children go to school or are they too young and at home, does any child require special attention because there are behavioral issues for example, is the house huge and difficult to clean, does the stay-at-home person have any physical and/or emotional issues at the moment, etc.
In lieu of the above situations, have you sat down and calmly and seriously discussed what the expectations are and let the other person discuss what seems to be the problem? They may not even know. For example, depression can be one HUGE issue in this scenario.
Try to calmly, rationally, and with understanding discuss this.  Perhaps a "to-do" list that is agreed upon daily would be a helpful starting point. Also, if you are complaining and blaming on a daily basis, this could set up a lot of attitude on both parts.  Try to find something to complement the other person on.  Try to give positive encouragement.  If the other person is bored and unmotivated, this can become greater when there are no outlets and the person stays home with only children to talk with all the time.

However, I DO understand if none of these are the case and you are becoming increasingly upset.

[natashaspy]

my husband works full time while i'm a stay at home mom.  while my son is 18, i babysit a 7 yr old...and i also have my mom to take care of.  i do pretty much all of the housework, and cooking...my son usually does the yard work.  its only fair that i do the housework since i'm not working..but it does help when he pitches in now and then.  people don't normally realize that being a stay at home mom IS a job..just an unpaid one

[ancmetro]

   No roommates, please!

[sgluckadoo]

There are always extenuating circumstances, such as how many children there are, do all the children go to school or are they too young and at home, does any child require special attention because there are behavioral issues for example, is the house huge and difficult to clean, does the stay-at-home person have any physical and/or emotional issues at the moment, etc.
In lieu of the above situations, have you sat down and calmly and seriously discussed what the expectations are and let the other person discuss what seems to be the problem? They may not even know. For example, depression can be one HUGE issue in this scenario.
Try to calmly, rationally, and with understanding discuss this.  Perhaps a "to-do" list that is agreed upon daily would be a helpful starting point. Also, if you are complaining and blaming on a daily basis, this could set up a lot of attitude on both parts.  Try to find something to complement the other person on.  Try to give positive encouragement.  If the other person is bored and unmotivated, this can become greater when there are no outlets and the person stays home with only children to talk with all the time.

However, I DO understand if none of these are the case and you are becoming increasingly upset.

Thanks for the feedback.

I have sort of broached the topic. I am female and work 60 plus hours a week and have health issues on top of it. I come home and more times than not the house is a wreck and if i say anything I am being critical - get pouted at, etc. Ridiculous. I think it is sad that anyone could watch someone get home at 9:00pm after being gone all day and walk through door only to start a load of laundry, vacuum, & throw something to eat together. There are days when he does things around the house but he acts as though it was a major effort and inconvenience on his part. As someone else mentioned on here in there reply, I would feel it my responsibility to help knowing the other person had already put in a hard days work and I would WANT to make their day a little easier.  I guess some people are just self absorbed and really dont want to do anything.

[sgluckadoo]

I might get a lot of negative responses, but when I worked full time and my husband worked full tine we split the household jobs.  When I stopped working and he still worked full time I did 90% of the household chores (grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc).  He still does yard work (cutting grass, trimming bushes) on weekends.  I don't think it is fair for him to come home after working all day and have to cook, clean, etc. when I am home all day.  Just my opinion.

"I don't think it is fair for him to come home after working all day and have to cook, clean, etc. when I am home all day." = this is how I see it as well. Not that I refuse to do anything just because I work outside the home mind you, but i do feel I shouldnt also have to do nearly everything around the house.

[sgluckadoo]

If one person is working (40+ hours and with a commute), should the other non-working person be responsible for the cooking and cleaning? Should dinner be on the table? Groceries bought? Laundry done? Is this a fair arrangement? Would love your thoughts.

To add to my earlier post above, i have also begun a very expensive habit of eating out because getting home at 9:00pm and finding nothing to eat has lead to my stopping by restaurants to get food. Now i have set the expectation that my spouse does not need to cook, buy groceries, etc. I don't have time to meal plan when i work 9am-9pm, so it is easier to pick something up, but WAY more expensive. So on my lengthy commute home, i am also responsible for getting dinner.

sigh.