Coach insulting my son!!!

[mill8277]

This is the first year my son will play in any sports, he wanted to play football....I had to go speak to the coach today about his dues, my son went into the gym to dress out and I went to the field to wait to talk to the coach....my son was late coming to the field...when my son came onto the field one coach said where you been Montel at home eating some coco crisp or some fruit loops and then another coach joined in....I was upset and want to say something when I go back to pick him up from practice, my son is a big boy, he tall and thick....his sibling make fun of him for his size...what if this type of behavior from them spark bulling from other students.....What should I do....

[debidoo]

Wow this is a tough one because I had a similar issue in public school with my sons and I told the coach what I thought about their behavior and it made it worse.  We ended up taking our sons out of school and homeschooling them.  So I guess its hard for me to advise you I just know its not right.

[hawkeye3210]

Talk to your son first. I don't find that comment to be much of an insult, he might not either.

[linderlizzie]

I don't mean to diminish your feelings, but it sounds as though the coach is just a tough cookie who demands discipline. You didn't really say if it bothered your son or not, so maybe you should just let your son hash it out with the coach and toughen up. You also didn't say how old your son is. Is he really young? At least talk to your son about it and see if he's okay with it.

Personally, football scares me to death for kids, so if he isn't really gung ho for football, I wouldn't push it. There might be something else he would like better. There's soccer, volleyball, basketball, track, etc.

I know it hurts you when you think your children are being made fun of or treated unfairly, but any coach has to maintain discipline and this may be one of the ways he handles it. Sometimes kids can be better for it in the long run.

I found that I usually took it harder than my kids ever did when I thought they were treated unfairly. We can all learn something from it if we stick it out.

[dreamyxo]

Put him on a diet.  He's going to face much worse than what the coach said to him.

[sherryinutah]

Unfortunately, if you make an issue out of this your son will take a hit.  He probably won't be able to face the coaches and he'll end up quitting the team.  He'll view himself as a "victim" with other people having a tendency to bully him and he might end up with a social anxiety problem.

Teach your son that some people are jack asses.  Teach him that it's important that he develop the ability to feel comfortable and confident in his body regardless of what other people think or say.  Teach him that some people, including adults, need to acquire some people skills.  Most importantly, allow him to decide whether or not he wants to stay on the team where he might, or might not, receive the respect he deserves.  Make sure he knows that you will support his decision if he wants to maintain some self respect instead of playing football.

Parenting can be a tough job especially when adults bully our children.   

[crisstar]

Ok, I"m with you - those insults were uncalled for. You could talk to the coach, but it's unlikely he's gonna change his ways because you were offended.

This is big red flag because the coach sets the atmosphere and tolerance level for the entire team. If the coach is this way in front of the mother of one of his players, I can only imagine what the locker room is like when there are no parents or authority figures around. 

[nannycoe1]

Some coaches should stick to older players. The parents are just as bad sometimes. We are not even having a basketball team at school this year because the parents acted so bad last year.

[Lindaroof]

Sorry, but I didn't really find the statements offensive. They are football coaches, I have heard much worse. They didn't actually call him any names, your son will learn how to handle himself as he will have many encounters through his life. As long as you are willing to talk to him and him talk to you he will do fine.
Oh, and for the person who said to put him on a diet, someone being tall and thick doesn't mean that they are Fat! That is how these kids end up with eating disorders and feeling bad about themselves. Believe me, if a child is heavy, they know it and are ridiculed for it without people suggesting they should be put on diets.

[ladavia89]

Football certainly isn't the sport for the sensitive whether is be the player or parents. If the coaches aren't tough on their players they aren't going to improve or be able to handle the sport.

Is your son actually overweight/obese? You describe him as being big and thick and he gets made fun of for his size.  There's a difference between accepting your body and being at the risk for health problems.

Ultimately it's your decision what you want to do about the environment your son is in. Kids are usually much more resilient than we give them credit so you might want to talk to him to see if he's actually bothered by it. There is no use causing a problem with the coaches or pulling him out of something he enjoys if the little comments don't matter to him.

[rghvac69]

My football coach said a lot worse things to me when I played. And the military--those drill sergeants were brutal. It helped me to cope with all the bad bosses and supervisors that I've had in my career.

[lvstephanie]

I agree that I didn't really think the coaches were that out of line with their comments, esp. since you acknowledged that he was late in getting out to the field, so it was partially his own fault for drawing the coaches' attention to himself. Also coaches tend to be hard on the kids to toughen them up, instill some discipline, and get them physically conditioned for the sport. However along with that, the coaches that I've had made sure that only they were being tough on the kid; if another student were to continue goading the one that the coaches were picking on, that student would now get an earful from the coaches. I guess I'm assuming that your son is in Jr. High or high School; if this is actually an elementary / middle school coach, then they may have been a little too tough and insulting.

[Penwoir]

Oh my, oh my! How can we expect our kids to recognize the damage of bullying if the adults themselves cannot resist the temptation to tease and bully! I do know how you feel. I heard the football coach say to my less than delicate son the other day at practice 'you're performing like a ballerina'! Admittedly, it was not said with malice, but children are so sensitive and you can never know how a child will receive a comment like that. I would be interested to know how old your son is, mine is only 10.

[alice44]

I would definitely approach the coach and let him know of his insensitivity.  Then be sure to watch that your son doesn't experience any more situations like that.  If he does, I would go to the principle.  You are your son's best advocate.

[mill8277]

My son is 14, and I did speak with him when he got home, I held off on talking to the coach because I don't want to make it worse for my son.....My son was fine, he was not as insulted as I was...as a parent I feel the need to protect my children...and he don't need to be put on a diet......ty for all the feedback y'all helped me to fell better and so did one of my clients, she in a wheelchair and told me I need to toughen up, we laughed about it....y'all great....ty for the time to help a mom feel better....