Would you help AGAIN?

[cateyes1]

I have helped a good friend many times, now I need help but they wont help me...would you ever help them out again if they came calling?

[bhiett]

Charity or helping should not be based on reciprocity.  There may be reasons unknown to you why your good friend does not help.  Is this a financial matter?  If your friend had to have financial assistance many times, she may have a deep fear of experiencing deprivation again, or her family may be objecting... there are a lot of things to consider.  I sympathize with your frustration but try not to judge her too harshly; we all probably have let someone down at some time, maybe without realizing it.

[cateyes1]

Charity or helping should not be based on reciprocity.  There may be reasons unknown to you why your good friend does not help.  Is this a financial matter?  If your friend had to have financial assistance many times, she may have a deep fear of experiencing deprivation again, or her family may be objecting... there are a lot of things to consider.  I sympathize with your frustration but try not to judge her too harshly; we all probably have let someone down at some time, maybe without realizing it.

I hear what you are saying but I know for a fact she could help out but just doesn't want to....I NEVER look for things in return. BUT I have helped this one so many times before...like someone mentioned...she's like..it's not what you have done for me, but what have you done for me lately...so frustrating...thanks

[countrygirl12]

Probably not.  It sucks when you help someone or give something to someone and then when you need help they won't help you.  It does not make you a bad person for feeling that way either.  if I help somebody all the time and they will not do anything for me then they should not ask me to help them.

[yikes77]

It comes to a point where you have to say "I helped you a lot, when do you plan to return the favour?"  Why be a doormat?

[jford87]

I don't help people with the expectation of reciprocation. If that is why you are helping people, you probably shouldn't help them anymore.

[cateyes1]

I don't help people with the expectation of reciprocation. If that is why you are helping people, you probably shouldn't help them anymore.

Jforf, I loaned this person a lot of money and for reasons I wont mention has stopped paying me back and still owes me. I let it ride for over a year but I really need the money now. basically I am just asking for something back that was mine to begin with...I helped them when they needed it, but now when I need it it's a different story....I NEVER look for ANYTHING otherwise when I help people.

[haimsterette]

I agree that when it comes down to you being walked all over, you have to get firm and say no to constantly helping them.  It doesn't take too long to tell if a person is using you, and if that's your instincts, you should back away from that person. Friendship is supposed to be a two-way street! (My sister shared a quote with me the other day that I can't get out of my head: "People aren't against you; they're for themselves.")

[bowrunner]

I don't help people with the expectation of reciprocation. If that is why you are helping people, you probably shouldn't help them anymore.

Jforf, I loaned this person a lot of money and for reasons I wont mention has stopped paying me back and still owes me. I let it ride for over a year but I really need the money now. basically I am just asking for something back that was mine to begin with...I helped them when they needed it, but now when I need it it's a different story....I NEVER look for ANYTHING otherwise when I help people.

In your case you are only asking for what is yours in the first place and you should not ever help them again.  It would be foolish.

[minioncookies]

To answer your Question Yes and no.. To complicated? Let me break it down for you!
        I am the type of person who loves helping people.. It makes me feel good to help people when i can and where i can. I am also the type  of person who is a little to proud to ask for help.. I would never ask for help unless It was the very last option.. I hate asking for help because i take to much pride in doing things myself being independant and not having to depend on anyone or anything.To think about helping someone constantly and them not helping me back when i need it.. Would frustrate me.. It would make me not want to help the person again.. But on the other hand.. I love helping people.. I probably would forgive and forget.. I'm not to good at remembering things anyways.. and i don't need the anger building up for nothing.. Thats when your True Friends seperates from your Friends.. True friends will be there for you when you need it.. Friends won't.. True friends are very hard to come by.. Friends aren't.  So would i help someone who doesn't help me? Probably will but i wouldn't like the thought of doing it..

[marcar1008]

Wow, I would probably still help.

But I know how you feel. Just let them know they owe you when you do them a favor.

[plennis]

I would have a really tough time helping them again.   But if they are good friends, you just feel like they should have your back.  You had there's when they needed it.  I probably would help a lot less than before, but I would still help.   

[nannycoe1]

Sometimes you just have to chalk it up as a learning experience and move on. Make other friends.

[vickysue]

I have been burned a few times and always by family. My sister is the worst. But now I just shrug when she wants me to do something. My pastor said that there is a time to say no. And I have said no.  I know some will think I am being mean, but you are not in my shoes.

[texasmom32]

That's a tough one.  But I would say yes, I would help them again, as long as they actually needed the help.  Sometimes you have to let people do things on their own, if they are using you as a crutch.  She may need a reality check and it may be time for her to stand on her own 2 feet.  But, if she really does need the help, I would help her even if she hasn't helped me.