i need help....anyone.....please

[bwoodward1]

 I've been married for 35 years and my spouse recently cheated on me with as far as I know 2 different people
should I forgive and try to forget?  Poision his dinner?      get to a priest fast or a counselor      or run for the hills as fast as I can?

[hitch0403]

Committing adultry is grounds for divorce scripturally.Not that this world gives a dam anyway.I would suggest you have a long talk with her and you CAN forgive her.It really matters how you feel and i guess after your talk if you feel the marriage is worth saving from both of you.

Remember you are in the best frame of mind knowing if you would like to forgive her and also think she deserves it from any repentance to has.

It probably wouldnt hurt to say a prayer to God and ask him to help you with your decision as well.

I hope it works for you what ever you do.

[sherryinutah]

Are you dependent on him financially or for any other reason?  If so, take steps toward becoming empowered enough to live without him. 

If you're not dependent on him, let him know that the marriage is over and that you'll be making changes and moving forward, without him.  He has made choices that don't include you and now you need to make a choice that, is in your best interest, even if it doesn't include him.

When a married person cheats...they are consciously, or subconsciously making an effort to sabotage the relationship.

Good Luck.   

[raven1114]

A lot of people would say divorce asap. I however feel that 35 years is worth taking the time to consider everything not just the affair. First how long has the person been cheating? What were the reasons the person cheated. What went wrong in the marriage that the person thought cheating was an option. (I am not saying his cheating is your fault, however it takes two to make a marriage and in 99% of cases it takes two to ruin a marriage. People rarely cheat solely because they are jack asses, there are usually underlining problems in the relationship that both need to work on.) Also aside from the cheating how does the person treat you? Are they abusive (if so get out now) are they an addicted(if so tell them they either get help now or you will be gone now) I say if overall the marriage has been good then it is worth talking with your spiritual leader or a counselor about it and at least giving it an honest shot at repairing the damage.

[Freebase]

Well i don't know a hole lot about marriage (never ben or will be myself) but i know for a fact my father cheated on mom alot and if you have any daughter (or s) then be very concerned (if its a him you didn't be specific on that). You can talk it over but how can you be shure so heres an old saying fool me once shame on me but fool me twice shame on you. Its not healthy to be in a type of relationship where your better 1/2 cheats it can cause a family to be a disfunctional family (& trust me my parents was married for a very very long time). In the end its up to you but in reality theres 3 things that holds a relationship (i know because i study) 1 is love, 2 is trust, 3 is partnership and just like a triangle if 1 of those go its called a flat line relationship.
But also get opinions but just take it as advice because not everyone is right and do what is right for you (& your children if you have any)

[ladavia89]

You're the one that knows what's best for you and your relationship. None of us actually know you or anything about your life

You have to be the one that decides if it's something that can be worked through or if it automatically means your marriage is over

[cateyes1]

I was married for 2 years when he was cheating, I kicked him to the curb and quick. Once that trust is gone that was the end for me no question. 35 years is a long time to just throw it all away BUT, do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering if he is being faithful? I truly believe that once a cheat ALWAYS a cheat and who wants to live with someone who doesn't take your feelings seriously? you deserve so much better. I found a guy that I know loves me now and I never have to worry about him roaming...I can set my clock by him..he comes home only to ME!!...good luck on what ever you decide to do. Life is to short to waste on someone who doesn't care..I say that because if he REALLY cared he wouldn't have roamed in the first place. I don't care what ANYBODY says....TRUE LOVE Does NOT hurt...now which do YOU want (ask yourself) the answer was a no brainer for me!!!!!!!!!!!

[Timberlan127]

You're in a tough spot right now. You have a 35 year investment. I think the best advice I could give you right now is not to make any decisions right away out of anger and resentment. Give yourself the gift of time and wait a while to see how you feel. Then I think you will be able to make a less emotional and thus better decision for you.
Give your self some distance; maybe even take a trip so you can think. Don't take advise from anyone right now. I wish you the best and hope things work out the best way for you.

[cateyes1]

You're in a tough spot right now. You have a 35 year investment. I think the best advice I could give you right now is not to make any decisions right away out of anger and resentment. Give yourself the gift of time and wait a while to see how you feel. Then I think you will be able to make a less emotional and thus better decision for you.
Give your self some distance; maybe even take a trip so you can think. Don't take advise from anyone right now. I wish you the best and hope things work out the best way for you.

Great advice!! I've been there done that Timberlan but how does one REALLY ever trust again?...I don't care how many sorry's I'd hear and only to cheat AGAIN ugh!! I agree take time to really think but I don't that would change the outcome of him doing it again...she said he has already with 2 people...when does one decide? ...life is 2 short!!

Reminds me of. fool me once shame on you BUT fool me twice!!...etc etc!!

[ahmedrocks234]

      End it. No one is happy in the relationship and the trust is gone so what's the point?

[hitch0403]

Bwood...sorry.....i realize you are a woman now......i just wanna clear that mistake up i made...

Some good advice here....again not being hasty and remembering 35 yrs a longtime.But adultry is grounds for a divorce if you feel it warrants that.Again ask God to help with your decision.....your spouse maybe entitled to forgivness and only YOU can provide that.

Also...are there children involved?I am sure they are older now but maybe the 2 of you should keep them in mind too.I am sure they would want whats best for both of you as well.

[bettey13]

In a long term marriage, there is not as much at stake as opposed to a brand new union. Trust is a key element to any relationship, and if that trust has been broken, only you can decided if it is even possible to rebuild it. It will not happen overnight. Give yourself time and perhaps distance to heal before making any permanent decision.

As in all things seek God's wisdom. Forgiveness is not for him but for your ability to move past this pain.

[BlackSheepNY]

I've been married for 35 years and my spouse recently cheated on me with as far as I know 2 different people
should I forgive and try to forget?  Poision his dinner?      get to a priest fast or a counselor      or run for the hills as fast as I can?

We can give you many suggestions here, but in the end, it's all up to you how you want to handle it.  The only suggestion I will give to you is that you THINK before you ACT.

[sherryfan]

It is tough a time, 35 years isn't short. You two need a long talk, or find a marriage counseling, if that still doesn't work, then you may need to find the next step.  If you have children, sometime they are great support.

[debidoo]

Wow this is a tough one because I don't think anyone can really advise someone else in a matter like this....now the only thing that strikes me is if your spouse cheated on you with more than one person its not like you can say well he/she fell in love with someone else and they want to maintain their marriage and it will not happen again.  I don't know if this relationship can be salvaged or not - what does your spouse say they want? Good luck I hope this works out for the best for you.