I need to VENT big time

[sfreeman8]

I only have one daughter (and now a son-in-law).  I set a limit and that is all I spend on them since I don't have a lot of extra money.  A 41-year old giving you a Christmas list with more than a couple of items is a bit over the top in my opinion.  I'd give him the two gifts that you have and be done with him.

That's what I am doing. Told hubby that he better tell our son that I'm furious and what we got is all we're giving because that's the limit we decided upon (hubby and I). If he doesn't like it, I can arrange to get the other gifts for the grandson and HE (our son) can go without. 

I absolutely am shocked that he is so selfish. I raised all of them to be the opposite. How can 2 sons grow up to be completely different when raised the same?  It just floors me. The other son will come 15 miles to take me to a store or pick up items at a store they are going to, while the other one lives a mile away and never calls or comes over unless he wants something (which I stopped that a while ago - can't come to visit, don't come wanting something). :  

[madeara]

I don't blame you for being frustrated.  Your son's attitude is selfish and disrespectful.  You spent your life raising him to be on his own.  Now it is time for him to take care of you.

[inertia4]

You can only do what you can do.

[dancer139]

wow,,,,  i can sort of relate    my brother was the same way with my mom.  She spent way to much on him and his family because she felt they needed more then I did,,  ( I really didn't care if I got anything or not )  But the fact is he never appreciated it,,,  nor did his family,   I never heard a Thank You for anything they got. 

Mom passed away 2 years ago,  and my brother was so eager to get his hands on money from selling her house it made me sick,,,   he has spent all most all of it on things they don't need and  I know he will be begging for things again soon because  that  is the way he is,,,  the baby in the family and he thinks he deserves anything he wants and asks for.

My check book  is closed to him !!!!       Coal would be a great idea for your son this year...

[bhiett]

It probably is too late for this year, but next year just give money or gift cards-- the great equalizer.  Everyone in their generation will get the same amount and no one can say their presents were not as big (costly, popular, etc.) as their siblings, or cousins, or whatever.  Set your limits ahead of time and stick to what you can afford.  Children actually enjoy using gift cards-- makes them feel grown-up and they can often get a better deal with after Christmas sales.

[dbsaus1]

My mother is on a limited income and I am constantly reminding her not to spend much on my son.   

[mill8277]

what's wrong with one gift per child and adult.....seems like he trying to save all his money by spending all yours....

[camellia0]

First off, the grandson doesn't need a gift card! If your kids/grandkids don't recognize that you live off SS, then don't get them anything. Christmas isn't about gifts, it's about spending time with your loved ones. I wish I could see your 41 year old (I'm around the same age) and for Christmas we kids are buying things that other family members need, not want and as far as our mom, who lives of SS, we've told her that we aren't exchanging gifts (altho we have bought her gifts). You shouldn't buy any gifts.

[PGS28]

What's the update on this situation? What did you decide to do?  Remember, no change comes with no change so even if they're upset at first you have to do something different to avoid getting in a financial strain every year.

[bretay]

my husband gets a disability check and that is our only income..my granddaughters are spoiled but i only have 2...they are 9 and 12 and even they know they don't get everything on a list..they will make out a list of things they want and say this is what i want but if you cant that's ok..their list is past around through the whole family..my daughters understand money problems...and you have to set a limit..we did..and we don't go over that limit..i do get the granddaughters one main gift and then i will go to the dollar store and pick up some smaller things for them..
your son shouldn't be giving you list at his age.he would get a card with a small amount on it and let i\him choose what he wanted to get..

[vp44]

Hubby and I are living on SS and it's not much. First my youngest son, age 41, gave me their Christmas list 2 days ago and the stuff on the list is basically so popular it's sold out no matter where I went (on line). Because of the snow, I can't shop locally.

Anyway, after 2 days, I finally got 2 out of 5 items on the list. Those 2 items came to over $60. When I told the son about the 2 I ordered, he asked, "What about the other 3?" What?    I was supposed to buy a 5-year-old over $150 for Christmas when he is so spoiled by everyone else and doesn't appreciate what he gets now?  Where does this son get the idea that we're going to spend all that money?      I'm absolutely furious. 

If he was our only grandson, I would probably do it, but we have other grandchildren and step-grandchildren. In fact, my 21-year-old grandson only gets a $50 gift card for Christmas or a video game or 2.  In fact, we don't go over $75 for the adult sons and DILs/girlfriends.

Maybe our youngest son (age 41) should get coal in his stocking this year. Do you agree?

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel a little better.

I apologize for my comment. First your 41 year old should have his own and not have a list for MOMMY but buying his mother and father a gift. Grandkids need to accept what they get. Kindness of heart is what your doing. Third bless your heart for thinking of your Family and doing the best you can.

[dmahoney]

Maybe you should write him a letter of disappointment and wrap that up for his Christmas present.  Sorry he is treating you this way at this time of year.

[djohnson43]

My parents also live on SS and retirement so my mom has decided that she has a set amount per family for me and my brother. I have two girls plus me and my husband while my brother and sister- in- law have five kid. Because of that my girls may get more gifts then my nephews and nieces and when my sister-in-law complains about that my mom says she didn't tell her to have five kids while I have two. There is this amount of money in the budget for gifts so it is divided equally by family.

[bud1]

We  tend  to forget  what  is  all about  family.  Without family  and  friends everything else is rubbish.