I need to VENT big time

[sfreeman8]

Hubby and I are living on SS and it's not much. First my youngest son, age 41, gave me their Christmas list 2 days ago and the stuff on the list is basically so popular it's sold out no matter where I went (on line). Because of the snow, I can't shop locally.

Anyway, after 2 days, I finally got 2 out of 5 items on the list. Those 2 items came to over $60. When I told the son about the 2 I ordered, he asked, "What about the other 3?" What?    I was supposed to buy a 5-year-old over $150 for Christmas when he is so spoiled by everyone else and doesn't appreciate what he gets now?  Where does this son get the idea that we're going to spend all that money?      I'm absolutely furious. 

If he was our only grandson, I would probably do it, but we have other grandchildren and step-grandchildren. In fact, my 21-year-old grandson only gets a $50 gift card for Christmas or a video game or 2.  In fact, we don't go over $75 for the adult sons and DILs/girlfriends.

Maybe our youngest son (age 41) should get coal in his stocking this year. Do you agree?

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel a little better.

[moonangel]

unfortunately we have told our adult kids (they to have families)  no one is getting gifts from us this year. last nite wife an I were talking our grandparents rarely got us gifts, usually for birthdays and never for christmas

[6265AT99]

I completely understand your frustration and irritation.  Sadly, we seniors who live on SS don't get a whole lot and also sadly the kids today AREN'T AS GRATEFUL as they should be!!!!  I think when a "child" reaches a certain age (and I do think your son qualifies) they should BE GIVING MORE TO THE PARENTS WHO RAISED AND SUPPORTED THEM FOR ALL THOSE YEARS THEY WERE GROWING UP and STOP BEING SO SELFISH!!!!  Hoping you have a wonderful Christmas and glad you got to let your frustration out!!!!

[paints]

Why in the world are you letting them give you their list??

Christmas is not about "I wants."
Send the two things you got back and give everyone a card with whatever you can afford in it, and let them do their own shopping.

Or take the money you would have spent on gifts and donate to a homeless shelter. At least there, your gift would be appreciated.

[sherryinutah]

You have a situation where you've tried to hard to accommodate your 41 year old child.  He's found that it works out well to manipulate-the heck out of you-so he has unreasonable expectations and a twisted idea of what Christmas is all about.  It takes two to tango and it's time to stop dancing...this way...with him.  Sit him down and give him the cold, harsh reality of teaching him that it's better to give than to receive.  Tell him you will no longer be meeting his expectations where Christmas gifts are concerned.  It's time to give him the gift of tough love by teaching him that...when he has unreasonable expectations of people he will be setting himself up to be disappointed.  Allow him to be disappointed and DON'T allow him to play mind games with you.  Let him know that starting NOW you will no longer be meeting demands, requests or expectations.

He needs to be welcomed to the real world.   

[marciaenglish]

Why don't you give him a "list" of your own?  Like, a list of $100 gift cards to the places you like to shop online for everyone else's gifts?  Sounds like an even "exchange" to me.  After all, he should understand selfishness since that is what he seems to be!   

[Dynamite2013]

I feel for you but he should get coal in his stocking. what we do is figure out how much we have and divide it by the number of gifts we have to give. Then we send gift cards or money orders for that amount stating who gets what. we have 5 boys only 3 are married, 9 grandchildren of which 3 are married, and 3 great grandchildren and being on social security it is hard to give what we want so we give what we can. That is how it is and if they complain I ignore the complaints because I wouldn't give them the satisfaction to make me angry and if he asks for more put out your hand for the money.

[crisstar]

I suggest you set a limit on how much you can spend for each gift. $20 - $25 bucks is a nice price range and if your son and his family can't think of anything in that price range tell them they'll just get a $15 (or less) gift card.

I'm sure he'll begin to find things that are in that price range. You have to put your foot down and up until this point you probably have been way to generous and clearly they've taken advantage.

[gaylasue]

I only have one daughter (and now a son-in-law).  I set a limit and that is all I spend on them since I don't have a lot of extra money.  A 41-year old giving you a Christmas list with more than a couple of items is a bit over the top in my opinion.  I'd give him the two gifts that you have and be done with him.

[hawkeye3210]

Hubby and I are living on SS and it's not much. First my youngest son, age 41, gave me their Christmas list 2 days ago and the stuff on the list is basically so popular it's sold out no matter where I went (on line). Because of the snow, I can't shop locally.

Anyway, after 2 days, I finally got 2 out of 5 items on the list. Those 2 items came to over $60. When I told the son about the 2 I ordered, he asked, "What about the other 3?" What?    I was supposed to buy a 5-year-old over $150 for Christmas when he is so spoiled by everyone else and doesn't appreciate what he gets now?  Where does this son get the idea that we're going to spend all that money?      I'm absolutely furious. 

If he was our only grandson, I would probably do it, but we have other grandchildren and step-grandchildren. In fact, my 21-year-old grandson only gets a $50 gift card for Christmas or a video game or 2.  In fact, we don't go over $75 for the adult sons and DILs/girlfriends.

Maybe our youngest son (age 41) should get coal in his stocking this year. Do you agree?

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel a little better.

Could he have been asking what you bought them because he was planning on buying them whatever you didn't?

[bremer51]

This is definitely worthy of venting.  It is selfish and thoughtless...putting that kind of pressure on you when your income is limited.  Two gifts is plenty.  You may have to explain that he is not the only family member you have to buy for.  He's obviously loss touch with reality.

[nannycoe1]

I could never spend that much on my children or grandchildren now. I am on SS also and I try to get them all a few nice gifts but nothing much. I have 3 grandkids 8 & 13. We eat and open gifts and have a good time. I stopped apologizing a long time ago because they know I do the best I can. I help them out all through the year whenever I can, so they are happy with what they get at Christmas. It's not about the gift it should be about the love.

[tinaryerson]

shouldn't be mad at the kid.  They only know what they see.

[PGS28]

At 41 he shouldn't be getting anything! Christmas is not about gifts, it's about spreading the love of God's, gifting is just one of the ways we tend to do that.

Set a limit as to how much you can spend.  Ask around about popular items for your grandkids' ages in that price range. 

[sfreeman8]

Why in the world are you letting them give you their list??

Christmas is not about "I wants."
Send the two things you got back and give everyone a card with whatever you can afford in it, and let them do their own shopping.

Or take the money you would have spent on gifts and donate to a homeless shelter. At least there, your gift would be appreciated.

I ask for a "Wish List" from everyone to make sure I get them something they really want, especially the grandkids. I know nothing about popular kids toys today and if left up to me, I would have bought him something that was popular a couple years ago...like I did before the "Wish Lists." 

I don't how my 41-yo got so spoiled because we sure didn't have much to give over the years. I've always put a limit on costs and stuck to those limits.

Next year I will give my son the money and tell him to go buy the grandson what he wants  I'm not going through this again. I will not punish my grandson for my son's bad behavior.