Son stealing

[Nancy5]

What would you do, my one friend has a 20 year old son who has stole things from her (some jewelry and about $50.00).  He left home at 18 and they had a major falling out, after a year, they made up & he moved back home.  Now after the stealing her husband threw him out again, but also pressed charges & he will be arrested, as he pawned some of the jewelry.  Throwing him out is one thing, but what if he turns his life around in 1, 2 or 3 years, he will always have this record.  I have known him since he was a baby, he is a good kid, just took a wrong turn.  Do you think they should press charges or not?

[BlackSheepNY]

What would you do, my one friend has a 20 year old son who has stole things from her (some jewelry and about $50.00).  He left home at 18 and they had a major falling out, after a year, they made up & he moved back home.  Now after the stealing her husband threw him out again, but also pressed charges & he will be arrested, as he pawned some of the jewelry.  Throwing him out is one thing, but what if he turns his life around in 1, 2 or 3 years, he will always have this record.  I have known him since he was a baby, he is a good kid, just took a wrong turn.  Do you think they should press charges or not?

I guess this would depend upon how the parents feel.  There's a reason why he's stealing.  Does he have a drug addiction and is the money/jewelry he steals supplying his habit?  If so, then maybe the best thing they can do is have him arrested.

[msmoneybags48]

Sometimes they can learn a lesson from being arrested.  It is unfortunate it had to come to this, but have they talked to him about why he stole the money and the jewelry?  I hope the situation can be corrected before he has a record he cannot get out of.

[Nancy5]

They don't think he uses drugs, only works part time and they think he just needs the money for gas, smoking, beer, etc.  I know it's wrong, and he must pay, but like you said, he's young and this record will follow him.  What if he turns his life around, like he might, this will follow him.

[diala84]

I think it is their choice. Like others said sometimes you have to hit bottom to turn your life around and maybe being arrested would help their son turn his life around. In my opinion it is a little extreme especially without knowing why he feels compelled to steal over asking for money from his parents. Maybe there is something more going on with him.   

[hawkeye3210]

They don't think he uses drugs, only works part time and they think he just needs the money for gas, smoking, beer, etc.  I know it's wrong, and he must pay, but like you said, he's young and this record will follow him.  What if he turns his life around, like he might, this will follow him.

Even if he is convicted, it sounds like the offense would be eligible for an expungement. It's a rather minor offense.

[vickysue]

It is called tough Love and hopefull a little time in the clinker will turn him around.

[bowrunner]

I doubt that he will ever learn until he spends some time in jail. 

[jiuchan]

Honestly, I think getting arrested would be a good thing.
It could be a life lesson for the son.
Worse cares scenario (hopefully, it doesn't happen) it doesn't happen again in the future.

[mh874892]

I feel like it is right to press charges. It is probably the only way to get through to the kid. Because there has already been a falling out, there is probably some deep issues going on that the family needs to work out. Sometimes a giant push is needed to make someone see how wrong they are living their life.

[dreamyxo]

Yes they should.  Tough love.  He's past old enough to know better.  Stealing is bad in itself but stealing from your parents?  That is so much worse. 

[thtrngng]

When it comes to dealing with your children you have to do what you feel is right. Every situation is different, so as a parent you should do what you believe is the best thing to do for your child.

[AJsGma]

What would you do, my one friend has a 20 year old son who has stole things from her (some jewelry and about $50.00).  He left home at 18 and they had a major falling out, after a year, they made up & he moved back home.  Now after the stealing her husband threw him out again, but also pressed charges & he will be arrested, as he pawned some of the jewelry.  Throwing him out is one thing, but what if he turns his life around in 1, 2 or 3 years, he will always have this record.  I have known him since he was a baby, he is a good kid, just took a wrong turn.  Do you think they should press charges or not?

Most people (unless they are kleptomaniacs ) who are pawning items after they steal have a tendency and a desperate need to satisfy an addiction - hence the quick cash to take care of their "fix".

In my opinion, if your friend's son is someone who has a compulsion to steal just for the sake of stealing (a kleptomaniac), then that's a psychological issue that needs to be addressed by a professional.

If your friend's son is someone who has an addiction of some sort - like drugs or alcohol - then that is also an issue that needs to be addressed by a professional.

I would see if the son is willing to talk about his reason for stealing on the basis of not pressing charges.  If He is willing to get some professional help or counseling, then I would try that route first.  Only after I tried this and he was not willing and absolutely did not care about his actions or consequences would I then seriously think about pressing charges.  

I want to also say that I am not a doctor, councilor or lawyer.  What I've shared is just my own personal opinion.  I share from experience.  Although I never was arrested for stealing, I have been in a 12-step recovery program since 2001.  I have seen many people come through the doors on a court order and turn their lives around.  It can happen!

Good luck and I hope this helps.

[hotcocoa]

I feel very strongly about this.  My son was on this track and a number of things occurred that put him over the top.  Now he is deceased and I would give anything to have him back.

[Nancy5]

An update, he was arrested and booked this morning.  He somehow made bail and is out, has a court date in July.