Parents, what would you do?

[home_teachin]

We live in a small apartment complex. There is a 14 going on 15 year old that tried to fight my 11 year old son. Of course, I didn't find out about it until over a week later. I teach nate to fight back, but this kid is twice his size and too old to be picking on Elementary school kids. He's going into high school.
He had Nate down with his arm twisted behind his back, and 2 of Nate's other friends jumped in to help him before the older boy's Mom came out to stop it. She had the nerve to tell the boys not to mess with her son because he has anger issues.
What would you do? Would you just talk to the other parent? Or involve the housing authority or cops?
If the kid was near his age I would just let Nate fight him, but he is too much older.

[discardedheart]

i'm not a parent :/
but it seems like trying to talk with her about it might be somewhat useless if she's already tried pulling the 'my son has anger issues' story.. sounds like she'd be a parent who isn't all that willing to listen to reason.

i wouldn't really see anything wrong with bringing it to attention with the housing authority.. something might be done that way.

[home_teachin]

Thanks, I posted this on another forum and got pretty much the same response. I just don't want to do the wrong thing and make it worse on my boy.

[beams]

I had some like that happen 2 my son , but his happen on the bus . The children that hurt my son got kick off the bus for 30 days . But if wasn't 4 2 little girls came and told what really happen.
No u don't want 2 make it hard on ur son, but what  would be the right thing 2 do is the hardest ? 2 ask ur self.
Make sure ur son come straight home. Does he have a cell phone so he can call u ? Or u can meet him at a certain time

[discardedheart]

Thanks, I posted this on another forum and got pretty much the same response. I just don't want to do the wrong thing and make it worse on my boy.

that's completely understandable. i totally get that you wouldn't want to make things worse on him or get him picked on MORE.. but i don't see it working out if you try talking to her about it :/ sometimes people are just completely unreasonable and holier than thou, if you will, they think that they and their families do no wrong.. she doesn't sound like the type of parent who would actually talk to her son about it or give any sort of punishment.. and i don't think that this is something you can really let slide.. i'd go ahead and talk to some type of authority about it.. i think you're MUCH more likely to get help on the situation that way.
 

[silklash]

Difficult situation you've got there and I by no means envy your task!  If it were me, though, I'd be talking to the kid's mother quite firmly making it clear that if the threats & attacks don't cease & desist, I'd be calling up the chain of command - management, housing authorities, police, etc - until the situation is properly addressed.  But you have to be willing to actually follow-up on your statements.  Don't be threatening, just matter of fact as a protective, responsible parent.

I don't know that I agree completely with encouraging your son to fight others, because in another few years, that approach could all too easily turn your son into a similar bully as that you're now dealing with.  I believe wholeheartedly that he should be prepare to defend himself - but only when absolutely necessary to survive long enough to get away from the threat.  Good luck, though, because it's just never easy being parent!!!

[liz1084]

I honestly would never teach my child to participate in anything violent . I would teach him to be the better person and walk away. Immature children might see that as weak at first but in the long run I think it would benefit him more. There is way to much violence in this world but I would probably try and talk to the mother first and try and talk to her calmly and see if that might help in getting her to help resolve the situation. You would be surprised at how much it helps to keep yourself calm when talking to people about a conflict you have with them instead of going into it as an upset parent and let your emotions get carried away. If that doesn't work I would definitely go to the housing authority's. I am sorry that your little boy had to deal with the conflict and as a mother of two one of them being a young boy I do not look forward to him having to be faced with the same situations. But I know if I do my best to teach him not to hate and not to use violence to solve problems that he will be ok.

[discardedheart]

did you get it taken care of yet?
:/

[heather177]

The person that said you would teach your kid to just walk away that dont always work. In todays time your kid will most likely haft to defend himself. It happened to my son on the bus. He is bigger than kids his age but he was only in kindergarden. Another boy that was smaller than my son but was in the 3rd grade punched my son in the eye. My dad went nuts. Come to find out the bruises my son had on his body was from this kid. He was trying to prove to his friend that even though he is smaller then my son he can still beat him up. I always told my son to tell someone instead of fight back. Now I regret that. My son should have defended his self and maybe it would have teached that boy a lesson. And the bus driver knew about it and did nothing. I called the schools and the bus garage and told them to contact the parent because if it happens again I will press charges. And the bus driver got fired for not dealing with it the first time. When my husband was in 2nd grade a 6th grader at his bus stop beat him up and none of the parents did anything. So my husbands dad made him go to the bus stop the next day and fight the boy. My husband ended up beating the boy up.  Funny all the parents tried to break that one up. The boy never did it again after that. I got picked on when I was in 1st grade and to this day I regret not fighting back. It teaches the other kid a lesson when they get beat up in front of everyone. But a lot of parents today think its funny to fight and actually teach there kids to fight. I know a girl who does that. But I would threaten to press chargers anything to make the mother misreable anough to put a stop to it. More kids stood up for them selves and fought back bullys wouldnt have a reason to pick on the kids. They do it because the kids are scared. If your kid isnt scared and fights back the bully wont fight.

[home_teachin]

I talked to the mother and the housing authority. Due to some other crimes they recently put cameras up in our area , so if anything happens again I will have proof. The boy is suposed to stay away from him, and they know if he touches him again, I'll press charges. So far it has worked.
Plus Nate started Karate classes this week and he loves them.
To the person who said to walk away, if he does that he will not only have that boy after him but the other kids who would then consider him a wuss. He has to defend himself.
Thanks everyone for the advice.

[aspenl]

I honestly would never teach my child to participate in anything violent . I would teach him to be the better person and walk away. Immature children might see that as weak at first but in the long run I think it would benefit him more. There is way to much violence in this world but I would probably try and talk to the mother first and try and talk to her calmly and see if that might help in getting her to help resolve the situation. You would be surprised at how much it helps to keep yourself calm when talking to people about a conflict you have with them instead of going into it as an upset parent and let your emotions get carried away. If that doesn't work I would definitely go to the housing authority's. I am sorry that your little boy had to deal with the conflict and as a mother of two one of them being a young boy I do not look forward to him having to be faced with the same situations. But I know if I do my best to teach him not to hate and not to use violence to solve problems that he will be ok.

I agree with you on this.  And from personal experience it actually does work.  I was raised this way, and I also got picked on in middle school.  However it didn't last long, kids who pick on other kids enjoy seeing the other get riled up, but if they don't get riled then they find no fun in it and stop picking on them.  What got me through my school days was actually just 'turning the other cheek' and then being nice to those people who were mean to me.  I know it might sound weird and backwards, but I went from major loser to popular (and everyone it the entire school respecte me) by this using this method.  It may actually be this method that would benefit our children the most.

[gena33612]

Anyone who gives advice like "Just tell your kid to walk away" is so completely beyond out of touch with reality, they will need a map and a GPS system to find their way back.

This is not the 50's anymore, folks.  People, and especially KIDS, don't care about what is right, and what is just, and what is fair.  These kids are being raised by parents of the "ME generation" and they are under-supervised and spoiled.  It is hard as hell for our kids out there right now!  The days of telling a teacher and hoping that they will do the right thing are long gone.

Our kids need to know that there is goodness in the world but it is every man for himself.  If that means whooping some bully's butt to prove that point, so be it.  When that is not an option, a higher level butt whooping is in order (via the authorites, in whatever capacity).

This is not the best world we are bringing our kids up in.  No matter how hard you try to protect them in suburbia, they eventually must meet the real world.  And shame on the parent who allows them out there without being able to take care of themselves.

Tough situation you are in there, original poster.  I hope it works out for you.

[krxstal]

First I would contact the parents and tell them to their kid to leave mine alone.

Next, If it continues to happen, get proof. Take pictures, have witnesses and then call the cops.

[xkrystlex]

I would try to talk to the parents as calmly as possible, and try to figure out the situation myself first......If that does not work...i would definately contact the authorities. good luck!

[discardedheart]

I talked to the mother and the housing authority. Due to some other crimes they recently put cameras up in our area , so if anything happens again I will have proof. The boy is suposed to stay away from him, and they know if he touches him again, I'll press charges. So far it has worked.
Plus Nate started Karate classes this week and he loves them.
To the person who said to walk away, if he does that he will not only have that boy after him but the other kids who would then consider him a wuss. He has to defend himself.
Thanks everyone for the advice.

good!
hopefully everything will work out now