Hollywood Squares: OR THOSE OF US WHO REMEMBER.....

[cateyes1]

This will tickle your funny bone!!



 These great questions and answers are from the days when the Hollywood Squares game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now.
 Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

 


Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
 A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
 (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

 Q. Do female frogs croak?
 A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

 Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

 Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
 A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

 Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
 A.  Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

 Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
 A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

 Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
 A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

 Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
 A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

 Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
 A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

 Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
 A.  Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget. 

 Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
 A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

 Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during  the first year?
 A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing  strawberries.

 Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
 A.  Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

 Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
 A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

 Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
 A. Rose Marie:  Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

 Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
 A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

 Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose  do?
 A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

 Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
 A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

 Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
 A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army.

 Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
 A. Paul  Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected..

 Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he  trying to do?
 A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

 Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
 A.  Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

 Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
 A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him...

 Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
 A.  Charley Weaver: His feet.

 Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
 A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh 

 WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD, WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING!

 

 

[Nancy5]

Oh my God!  I hate to admit it, but yes I remember that show and I loved it.  I know I heard all these before, but reading them just now made me burst out laughing again.  Thanks for the laugh and memories!

[hvnlydevil]

HAHA. Circle gets the square. Thanks for the laughs.

[Gerianne]

I remember that show!
It was quite entertaining.
The "regulars" who were on had a great sense of humor, something that has disappeared quite a bit in today's TV.
The number of game shows has dwindled; the reruns are repeated from the "past".
There was a game show "password".
We used to play at home; even bought the game to play as a family.

[msmoneybags48]

I loved that show.  It was a warmup to the day to see the late Paul Lynde and others crack jokes.  I was born in 1958 and still remember how tickled I would be.  Thanks, cateyes1.

[jkhanson]

Oh my goodness!!  I can't quit laughing!!  What is the new way to say that?  LMAO??

I enjoyed the show back in the day.  Thanks for the memories with those questions/answers you shared today, cateyes!!  Paul Lynde, Rose Marie, Charley Weaver, Don Knotts!! Great comedians.

"Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose  do?
 A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?"

[BMaston12]

This will tickle your funny bone!!



 These great questions and answers are from the days when the Hollywood Squares game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now.
 Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

 


Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
 A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
 (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

 Q. Do female frogs croak?
 A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

 Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

 Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
 A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

 Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
 A.  Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

 Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
 A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

 Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
 A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

 Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
 A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

 Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
 A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

 Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
 A.  Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget. 

 Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
 A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

 Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during  the first year?
 A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing  strawberries.

 Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
 A.  Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

 Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
 A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

 Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
 A. Rose Marie:  Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

 Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
 A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

 Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose  do?
 A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

 Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
 A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

 Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
 A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army.

 Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
 A. Paul  Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected..

 Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he  trying to do?
 A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

 Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
 A.  Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

 Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
 A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him...

 Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
 A.  Charley Weaver: His feet.

 Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
 A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh 

 WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD, WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING!

 

 

Yes I do remember some of those jokes. I guess that ells you how old I am! I am wondering if any of those characters are even alive now? I loved the quick retorts that were just off the wall. Witty but clever to imply something to do with sex. But it was never really taken as rude or filthy. Much different than the shows that are on prime time now. TV was really censored back in the 60's and 70's. Married couples did not even sleep in the same bed!
BMaston12

[bremer51]

Ah, yes.  I remember it well.  I'm in awe of their candid, spontaneous humor.  I miss Paul Lynde.

[pwhittle1]

Yes, I remember the show. They were quick with the jokes. We don't have comedy like that anymore. Thanks for the memories and laughs. 

[dkanofsky]

Q:  Every St. Patrick's day what does Mayor Daley throw into the Chicago River?
A: (Paul Lynde) The little woman.

This guy was totally hilarious.

[skrogman]

Oh yes, I remember it well.  Thank you for a GREAT walk down memory lane.  That was a very good chuckle.  I believe it ran right along with Match Game with Gene Rayburn, but you guys are so right.  The regulars were awesome and right on it with the comedic answers!

[bret1321]

Good show, lol

[dauna]

This show was one of my all-time favorites.  I remember Wally *bleep* in the center square.  When he was chosen you could hear him mutter, "Everyone blocks with Wally *bleep*."

[pkrahmer]

Thanks so much for sharing! Lots of great laughs that I needed tonight. When I 1st read the post I didn't quite remember the show but it didn't take long! thanks fot the laughs!

[plennis]

Be nice to have some shows like that now, the whole family could watch and laugh.  I sort of wish a lot of the foul language was NOT allowed on tv now.