~* Humorous and Funny Quotes *~

[DeliriousKris]

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Rita Rudner

[Beckys0528]

 here is a couple of quotes off of t shirts who needs a therapist when i have a sister    go around me i"m retired     i don"t suffer from insanity i love every minute of it  well that"s it for now enjoy i know i did

[DeliriousKris]

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
Will Rogers

[DeliriousKris]

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.
Mitch Hedberg

[kingozzy]

Good ones everyone

[DeliriousKris]

When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.
Jane Wagner

[DeliriousKris]

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
Bill Vaughan

[DeliriousKris]

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
Charles M. Schulz

[DeliriousKris]

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Jerry Seinfeld

[DeliriousKris]

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.
Mitch Hedberg

[DeliriousKris]

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Emo Philips

[DeliriousKris]

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Rita Rudner

[JediJohnnie]

Costello: I went to my brothers wedding last week.
Abbott: Who gave the bride away?
Costello: I could've,but I kept my mouth shut!

[DeliriousKris]

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
Lily Tomlin

[DeliriousKris]

The next time you have a thought... let it go.
Ron White