I did something really horrible

[anotherlaujgirl]

And now all i feel like doing is crying.

I'm ashamed. I'm a teenager. Before my ex, i had morals. But, during the relationship, i slowly started losing
them all bit by bit. And right before we broke was when i lost it all.

I realize this is something that shouldn't be talked about, but when i can't talk to my own family about it,
how do i deal with it? It hurts. I'm ashamed.

And what kills me more, is that while i was away last week on my trip, i started redeveloping feelings for my ex again,
and when we got back to his place..

I did that stupid thing again. I let myself think that my love for him, was being reciprocated, but it wasn't.
He said to me, "It's just memories."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..

  I get it, i have a long way to go and will eventually find someone for me who'll treat me so much better,
but.

This, will scar me for the rest of my life. Especially the rest of my teenage years.

It's just.. I'm sorry. I don't have any one to tell just how ashamed, sad, emotional I am right now.

I just can't tell my family. Or friends.

To me, it's a big matter.

Never again do i want to be submissive.

[tzs]

You have just got to get over this, mingle in different circles that do not involve residuals from your ex!!!!!

[Abrupt]

If you realize that you can exhibit weakness in certain situations, you can turn that to an advantage.  As you become aware of what/when these are you can then determine when you must act to prevent them before it becomes too late.  You must understand that emotions, and the body's chemistry during the experience of such can override virtually all of your ability to moderate or control your actions and so you go from a perspective of paddling a canoe across a calm pond to grasping tightly to a raft as it hurdles down the raging rapids with no paddle at all.  The measure of shame you experience tends to be attributed to the disparity between the two, and only you can find balance and it has to be for yourself and nobody else.  You have to identify what your vulnerabilities are -- is it to a particular emotion or could it be to the sense of a loss of control altogether?  Understand, that if you can master this at your age that it is something that likely the rest of us could most likely never manage as the turmoil is not unique to you, nor is it an easy task to accomplish even with one's full dedication.

There are tools that can be utilized in this regard as well -- notes written to oneself to be read at key points where you still have your full mental faculties, messages recorded instructing you what to do, small items that reinforce the identity you see yourself as or wish to see yourself as, etc.  Reading your own written words of advice or hearing your own voice telling you what to do can be effective for many people if performed at the correct time.  Don't be too harsh on yourself, though, and realize that as humans we all experience the chaos of emotion and that such is what makes us human.

[momoney555]

Never compromise your morals for anyone,  This is not easy to do when you are young and it seems like belonging, or fitting in is the most important thing in life. (one day you'll realize that standing strong and being your own person is what really matters.  "To thine own self be true") You have to get over what has happened.  That is the past, learn from it.  However, in any future relationships, the minute you feel that you are being influenced to compromise or completely go against your morals, that is a warning sign that this is not the relationship that is right for you and you should not be in it.

[diala84]

I'm not sure how this relationship cause you to lose your morals but maybe that means it is much better to be out of it and able to find a relationship that will go hand in hand with how you want to be. It is always difficult to suffer a breakup especially when you are the one who was dumped but things happen for a reason and hopefully a better match will find you.

[anotherlaujgirl]

Thanks, it's so hard right now.

[raven1114]

I know it may not seem like it right now but you can get through this. look at it as a chance to grow and better yourself as a person.

[queensurvey]

Life is about up's and down. It will take time but you surely will get over this! This will make you a stronger person and in your future you will know what to do and what not to do.Take it as a lesson and especially move on,don't drag on the past.What's done is done.Remember it takes two people to make a relationship work. If he's not willing and you're the only one wanting to this will not work!Good luck!The One is still out there for you to find!You're still young!

[elysee24]

It's the path most people will go through when they grow up, and yes grow up does suck.

[egypt31]

If that is a picture of you then you should have absolutely no trouble finding another guy, it is just finding the guy that you are looking for and that would treat you like you deserve, some times when you realize you have fallen to your knees, you are in the perfect position to pray. Remember God created you special, he loves you, HE WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY! I am a guy and you are very beautiful. I have this problem sometimes as well I compromised things I believed in so I could feel another persons love when in the end I compromised what I believed and those people never really loved me,where as God loved me the whole time,When I realized   God loved me it was easier to love myself and then I wasn't searching for love. Some day God will help us to find the right people to love us if it is his will. I pray for you that he helps you find someone who is compatible with what you believe that will love you like you deserve, please remember God want us to have what we want if it works out with what his plans are for us, if you ask you shall receive, asking for the right thing is what is important. I send some love your way and pray you are blessed with true love, not someone just using you to get what they want. And please don't fall into those situations because there is a different side out there trying to test us. You deserve Gods will for you, If you follow his will I am assured he will take care of your needs and wants.

[ptfunds]

I think you are really courageous to put your thoughts up here.  Isn't it great that there are so many compassionate people on this site! What I really want to say to you is this. How your ex treats you is really only a reflection of how you feel about yourself. We do teach people how to treat us. I'm old enough to know this and if someone had told me this when I was where you are today my life would have been easier.  Take a good honest look at what you think of yourself. Get counseling if necessary. It will save you a lot of hard lessons in life and you will have a happier life as a result.  Good luck. Broken hearts do mend. And even if it only feels a little better tomorrow remember you are on your way to it being in your past. 

[mjdoug03]

Girl it's okay.  You're young.  You're going to mature.

[angelicious31]

I would say sometimes guys do that to girls. You just have to hold your ground. If he try to get you in bed again, just think before yu act. Ask yourself, "This has happened before. do I really want to do this again?"

[vickysue]

Just hang in there. Mistakes happen, learn from them. Just hold your head high, and don't be so down on yourself. Life will get on whether you believe it or not right now. No one will judge you as much as you do yourself. God Bless.

[KSimonetti92]

Congratulations on breaking your submissive cycle! That's a huge first step. I hope you are able to set your life to your terms and enjoy the new life you lay before yourself.