I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH HOUSEWORK

[BK_Adores_Chase]

Between me, my fiance, and 2 young kids, I feel like I can't get the house work done...there is rarely a day when my house is completely picked up.  NOT TO MENTION that because I don't have time to pick up, I DEFINITLY don't have time to detail clean...our house is so embarrassing and discusting...toilets, sink, stovetop, sweeping the floors...it all needs to be done but I HAVE NO TIME...And I had surgery on Tuesday, so I can't stand up for very long without my back hurting...here it is Monday and NO ONE has done the dishes...my fiance won't...so when his brother came over the other day I told my fiance not to go into the kitchen with them because it's just embarrassing.

[reiddb]

Do you work outside the home too?  Does your fiancee not want to do anything to help around the house?  Can you set aside just 10 min. and focus on just one part of the house once a day...start with the bathroom.  Just quickly wipe down the toilet and sink area.  You'll already feel better.....one little chunk at a time.  You can do it!

[magicbus]

   Have your  pay for a maid to come in and clean it!!!

[BK_Adores_Chase]

I really think about a maid sometimes...but I don't think I can afford it haha.. I like reiddb idea...ten minutes a day...I used to do a room a week and really give it a deep clean but I just haven't had time...I was also thinking about dedicated, say, Mondays to "de-gross" the place.

[lynnc35]

With a small kid, it is hard to keep up with the housework because you got to constantly be keeping an eye on them.

[mlhnceh]

Actually, involving your little ones is a good way to keep them entertained.  I give mine a wet paper towel and ask them to wipe things like the baseboards, door knobs, light switches, anything like that.  They really feel like they help, and they aren't using any cleaners that will hurt them.  But just doing a little at a time really makes a difference.  Try setting a timer for 10 minutes and see how much you can get done in that amount of time.  If your fiancee won't help now, don't expect that to change when you get married.  As long as that arrangement works for both of you, then ok.  Otherwise, you need to have a serious talk with him.  Don't yell and don't attack him, just ask him nicely if he would help you do (be specific).  And lastly, don't stress about it.  It's probably only bad to you. 

[queenofnines]

Having specific days to do different chores helps...also, make life easier for yourself where you can.  You don't need to separate the laundry into five different colors, or dust where you can't even see the dust.

[LenoraMinogue]

Your fiance really needs to start pitching in more, especially if he wants to marry you. It's really hard looking after two small children and to do everything else. I think you should really talk to him about that more. A marriage is a partnership which means sharing responsibilities. In the meantime, don't drive yourself crazy with the cleaning. If you have small kids especially, things are going to get dirty. Try to focus on the most important things to clean, areas like toliets and sinks that could be an actual hazard. Clutter and toys aren't as big of a deal.

[dreamyxo]

Your fiance is a lazy bum he is not your child if he makes a mess he needs to clean it up.  Tell him if he doesn't want to help you clean he needs to hire a maid at least once a month.  He needs a good kick in the you know what.  Your son is old enough to help a little.  How about getting him to pick up his toys and other little stuff off the floor.  Give him a piggy bank if he doesn't already have one and give him little chores like picking up his toys and other things and give him some change when he's done he can put them in his bank.  At the end of the month take him to the dollar store so he can pick out a toy or candy or something with the money he earned.

Are there any colleges in your area?  Put up an ad for a mother's helper.  You can get a college student to come help you once a week and pay them for a few hours to help clean. 

[jordandog]

Your fiance is a lazy bum he is not your child if he makes a mess he needs to clean it up.  Tell him if he doesn't want to help you clean he needs to hire a maid at least once a month.  He needs a good kick in the you know what.  Your son is old enough to help a little.  How about getting him to pick up his toys and other little stuff off the floor.  Give him a piggy bank if he doesn't already have one and give him little chores like picking up his toys and other things and give him some change when he's done he can put them in his bank.  At the end of the month take him to the dollar store so he can pick out a toy or candy or something with the money he earned.

Are there any colleges in your area?  Put up an ad for a mother's helper.  You can get a college student to come help you once a week and pay them for a few hours to help clean. 

I agree with everything you wrote and especially the ideas of pennies for the toddler and having a college student come in to help. QoN's on the right course too as far as the laundry, dusting, and making a 'plan'. I know I used to get so overwhelmed when I was younger and had a gazillion things going on that took my time. When I put my foot down and 'demanded' help with the things I knew my boys could do, it worked. That might be due to the fact that I 'scared them' into submisssion when I added I was going to stop feeding all of them (and their friends) if things didn't change....

[kay7]

The clutter gets me    I'm never sure what is important and what really should be trashed.  Seems like everything that has a flat surface grows clutter.  I think I'll take a clue from my 1st daughter-in-law and just throw everything away.  I could do that in less than 10 minutes!

[sak4kat]

I've read your posts on here before and you sound like a 13 year younger version of myself.  My ex-husband was very much like taking care of another child.  After 2 years of dating and a 12 year marriage...3 children later.  I'd had it and filed.  It didn't help that he had addiction problems too.  I got to a point in my life when I decided I needed to grab the bull by the horns and live for myself and my kids.  I put the dishes, the toilette scouring and the husband aside.  Now my children are 13, 12 and 5 and we're all happier now than when we were living as a family with there Dad.  I've moved onto a new relationship.  And you know what...this guy does help with the dishes.  In fact before I even have to ask he recognizes how the housework bogs me down and he pitches in on his own. My older kids are a big help now too...so when your kids get older it will be easier but there is absolutely NO reason why you need to clean up after a grown adult.  Separating my children was a hard choice to make but I figured it's his job to work on a relationship with his kids...not entirely my responsibility to keep a family together.  Seeing as how the man hasn't seen his kids in going on 3 months now...I'm glad I made the choice that I did.  Oh & BTW between having the 3 babies and I also had surgery on one of my feet - it would have been easier to do without him around.  

[dreamyxo]

I think I'll take a clue from my 1st daughter-in-law and just throw everything away.  I could do that in less than 10 minutes!

That's an idea.  Tell him anything on the floor will be thrown away.  He leaves his clothes on the floor throw them away.  Dirty dishes throw them away.  Or use paper plates instead. 

[loulizlee]

I have also read some of your earlier posts.  Is this the same fiance who wanted you to get a job outside the house, too?  I hate to say again, but the housework is not your real problem.

[bowrunner]

I too think your real problem is your fiancee.  If he continues as he has been doing you need to rethink marrying him.