sensitive spouse

[sgluckadoo]

How do you handle conflict with a very sensitive spouse? I find myself just not talking about things to avoid problems altogether, but feel this is not healthy for me. Any thoughts?

[falcon9]

How do you handle conflict with a very sensitive spouse? I find myself just not talking about things to avoid problems altogether, but feel this is not healthy for me. Any thoughts?

You could try inverting the problem by asking your spouse if it would be alright to speak to them about that same thing that's a sensitive issue for them.  That way, any potential defensive pressure is moved from your spouse to you, (and if you aren't sensitive about whatever it is, you are, presumably at least, sensitive to their sensitivity).  Once the sensitive subject is broached, if they are still unwilling to discuss it, you could attempt to talk with them about why they're sensitive about it instead.  If that doesn't work, make a loud 'farting' noise and shift gears.

[CharmedPhoenix]

How do you handle conflict with a very sensitive spouse? I find myself just not talking about things to avoid problems altogether, but feel this is not healthy for me. Any thoughts?

It's not healthy for them either.  Are you familiar with the work of Dr John Gray?  He authored a whole series of books based on his well known "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus", including one specifically on relationships.  I love his work.  Good luck.   

[Azanne07]

find away to make the topic easier for them to deal with

[ptfunds]

I would be up front about my awareness that the subject is sensitive, but state that for the health and happiness of both of us in the relationship we need to find a way to talk. I would ask my spouse to think about how the conversations could happen to minimize the sensitivity triggers  and what agreements might be made to set ground rules (breaks, etc.) for discussions.  I think when a partner hears that the goal is for the health and happiness of the relationship then the conversations get easier.  Good luck to you both!

[sgluckadoo]

How do you handle conflict with a very sensitive spouse? I find myself just not talking about things to avoid problems altogether, but feel this is not healthy for me. Any thoughts?

Sometimes the farting sound is the only thing that works, unfortunately...

You could try inverting the problem by asking your spouse if it would be alright to speak to them about that same thing that's a sensitive issue for them.  That way, any potential defensive pressure is moved from your spouse to you, (and if you aren't sensitive about whatever it is, you are, presumably at least, sensitive to their sensitivity).  Once the sensitive subject is broached, if they are still unwilling to discuss it, you could attempt to talk with them about why they're sensitive about it instead.  If that doesn't work, make a loud 'farting' noise and shift gears.

[sgluckadoo]

I would be up front about my awareness that the subject is sensitive, but state that for the health and happiness of both of us in the relationship we need to find a way to talk. I would ask my spouse to think about how the conversations could happen to minimize the sensitivity triggers  and what agreements might be made to set ground rules (breaks, etc.) for discussions.  I think when a partner hears that the goal is for the health and happiness of the relationship then the conversations get easier.  Good luck to you both!

Thanks for the tip. What makes it so hard is even hinting at his sensitivity gets his hackles up. It is hard to approach a person who is chronically defensive. I think the idea of breaks/ground rules is a good one. Thanks!

[b1pearl]

There are times that a sensitive spouse can be the most helpful person you know; due to the fact that they normally show their pain and suffering; while they are explaining to you what went wrong. This helps you to understand why,this cause them so much pain!

[noirlupe]

For me if it feels like an attack I get sensitive.  Try to make it not an attack, but a way of making you both grow.

[falcon9]

For me if it feels like an attack I get sensitive.  Try to make it not an attack, but a way of making you both grow.

For some people, nearly anything can be perceived as an "attack", (even if it isn't one).  This isn't being "sensitive", it's being defensive.

[rusgiftsaolcom]

Instead of overwhelming your spouse all at once with many sensitive issues tactfully bring up just one issue to discuss together at a mutually agree upon time. The discussion doesn't have to for many hours but a few minutes at first. The talks will increase in time with future discussions. If your spouse becomes overly sensitive don't press this issue, stop talking and give them a hug.