Signs that you are too drunk

[dguernsey1]

You lose arguments with inanimate objects. 
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. 
Job interfering with your drinking. 
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. 
Career won't progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts. 
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat 
Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group. 
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not! 
Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem! 
You can focus better with one eye closed.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar. 
Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops. 
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner! 
Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you 
At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..." 
Your idea of cutting back is less salt. 
You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmmm. 
The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in... 

[L4v4]

When everything seems to be slowing down!

[ckaliszewski]

My favorite is "you have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth"
I have to admit, that has happened to me once or twice. 

[KDougall]

When someone asks if you were at a party the night before, and you have to ask the person who gave it.

[lvstephanie]

"The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar." hits a little to close for me...

One 4th of July, I had drove downtown to watch the fireworks display. I parked my car along the side of a road and walk the remaining few blocks over to a friend's house (the city had blocked some of those streets to traffic for the celebration). As soon as I got to my friend's place, he shoved a shot into my hands and soon we were hitting the bottle pretty hard. The next morning I woke up and realized I had blacked out where I had parked my car. At first I had my roommate drive me around the neighboring streets where I thought I would've parked, but after a couple hours, they had to go to work, so I ended up renting a car so I could continue my search. At one point, I actually called the police to see if I got towed for parking in one of those no parking zones, but it wasn't at the impound... I then went back home, grabbed a map of the town, and started marking off roads as I searched them to systematically narrow my search. After the radius around my friend's house got to be a few miles I was thinking it was getting ridiculous... I wouldn't have walked so far! There was just one side street on the map that I hadn't checked; I had thought the street was actually a part of a business's parking lot, but the map was showing it as a city street, so I decided I'd try that and if it wasn't their, call up the insurance and report my car as stolen. The insurance company never got my call, for as I went down that street, I finally found my car and bits of the previous evening when I parked flashed in my head. People get annoyed when they loose their car keys; it's really sad when you loose your car     

[masked_brown_guy]

Whiskey *bleep*.

[africanclaudie]

When you laugh uber loudly at your own jokes while others are smiling with their eyes rolled upwards

[clickers]

when you call beer food;- )

[Garydh]

You lose arguments with inanimate objects. 
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. 
Job interfering with your drinking. 
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. 
Career won't progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts. 
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat 
Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group. 
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not! 
Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem! 
You can focus better with one eye closed.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar. 
Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops. 
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner! 
Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you 
At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..." 
Your idea of cutting back is less salt. 
You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmmm. 
The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in... 

You walk home, wake up the next morning thinking your car is stolen when it is not in its usual parking place. You then realize just before reporting it stolen it is across the street at the bar you drove to, that you normally walk to. Go figure

[lucky382001]

Everyday there is a reason to party.

Crawling down the hallway to get to the toilet.

[bud1]

Passing out in your neighbors yard

[ancmetro]

         I do not have to worry about this social problem because I never go to bars and liquor stores.

[angelawarhol]

         I do not have to worry about this social problem because I never go to bars and liquor stores.

                  when u come to the bar with ur friends and than all of a sudden ur talking to the brick wall holding the wall up and u have no clue were ur cell phone is or ur coat or your purse...lol

[jwallbank]

You are having a Drinking contest and you wind up Literally sleeping up a tree and your drinking buddy has Kicked your dog out of his house and is making it his temporary residence.

[blondie71]

I don't really like to drink and even when I was in my early 20's I didn't like to drink I guess its because it seemed my whole family where drunk all the time.