Unappreciated?

[meyerkendra]

I am a stay at home mom, and I was wondering if there were any other mothers out there or dad's I guess lol. Who feel unappreciated? I am a stay at home mom of a 17 month old, I got a nine year old in school. I keep the house pretty clean and dinner always done, and I just get no appreciation from my other half? Is there anyone out there with that prob?

[kapeh12]

I don't have that issue as I'm single, but have friends and family who have gone through such phases.  Most of the time it's just everyone gets stuck in a rutt/routine and starts taking things for granted - it's not that you're not appreciated, it's just he may think you "know" you are appreciated.

Often, from the guy's perspective, his working hard to provide food, clothing and shelter is showing his appreciation to you - by working hard to provide for the family.  And he may feel you keeping the house and preparing the meals is you showing your appreciation for his hard work.

It could be that you may just need a little added "romance" to get that spark back.  If you think this may be the case, maybe when you and your other half are in a good mood - just be honest with him.  Tell him you appreciate his work - don't make him feel that you aren't appreciative of that - and let him know you just miss the occasional "couple" time - the date nights where you can dress up and feel like a princess and he's your prince.  That it would be nice if he surprise you with occasional romance things, that you are not expecting these on any regular basis or counting, but one of those "just because" moments he can plan to make you feel extra special.  At the same time, be sure to ask if there is anything you can do to make him feel more appreciated in case he may be feeling a bit unappreciated too.  Could be he may be thinking you are taking him for granted and you may not realize.

Hope your circumstance is as simple as a conversation to get the sparks flying again!

[meyerkendra]

I wish it was just as simple as just having a conversation. I have tried, he's not the talk to type lol. We have been married 10 years and I am 28 and I think were just in a hole. He works all the time, and I understand working he has to do that but then the rest of the time he has off, he finds something else he has to be doing, and it isn't ever bad. It's just something else to be doing not to be home I guess. I dont know. I guess Its just hopeless.

[loulizlee]

It is never hopeless.  Keep working on it.  There is a solution; it might be just a change of attitude.

[pirewolf]

I have been married 5 years together 6 years, my husband is in the military, and while he was in afgan I had to do everything by myself. When he got back he complained that he didn't know what to do, when he didn't have to do that much before. Then after a bit he started complaining about the fact that I didn't appriciate him and that I don't do anything at all.   I find that crazy since he takes out the trash, does the laundry, and when I don't feel like it he cooks dinner. But magic fairies clean the house, get the groceries, pay all the bill, take care of both of the kids 24/7 (when he only works 4 days a week), decorates the house for holidays, always picks out all the presents we have ever gotten anyone, and before he joined the military (only been in 3 years) I was the only one working and doing everything in the house and taking care of our son! I tell him thank you for everything he does and the only reason he had for say or thinking he wasn't appriciated was that he didn't get to play video games the second he walked in the door to the time he had to go to bed.   So just keep in mind that husbands tend to not be realistic. Once I asked him what he has ever taught either of our kids or to name one thing that he does with them that I didn't have to ask him to do, he stopped and realized that he only felt unappriciated because I was treating him how he had been treating me. They don't like that but sometimes its the only way to get them to understand. Then I had him wake up with the kids and take care of them for a day, he quickly realized he can't handle them alone for more than two hours without them destroying the house.

[meyerkendra]

He is always throwing it in my face that he is the one that works, and I just stay at home and do nothing. LOL He does work very hard and I have never said he didn't he worked sometimes 50 hour work weeks at a saw mill. It is very hard work. I would just like to be recognized and doing what my job entitles me to do. I take care of the kids, and the house and the food. I didn't say my job was harder than his, but it is a job, and just every now and then I might like a few minutes to my self. But he doesn't see it that way. I have tried talking to him about and he thinks since I dont work that I get plenty of time to myself. So I dont know how to make him see. That he isn't the only one in the whole wide world.

[samrhett2]

Unfortunately most people always feel that they have it worse than everyone else.  It seems like he feels that you have it better than him and you probably feel like he has it better than you.  I am a single mom and I help my dad take care of my mom and now my dad is not in good health either.  Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy.  I have learned that feeling that what I do has to be important enough to me that I don't have to have appreciation from them.  It would be nice, but it isn't why I do it.

Some people are incapable of giving approval and appreciation.  Some people just refuse to give it to their spouses or the ones they should appreciate the most.  I would continue to try to work on better communication with him and needing appreciation less.  I know you deserve it, but if you keep expecting something from someone who can't or won't give it, you are setting yourself up for disappointment over and over.  Why do that to yourself?  You don't deserve it.

Instead find a support group, even online if you can't get out of the house.  A church group if you are religious or some support system outside of your spouse.  You can find plenty of people who will give you the encouragement you need to feel appreciated.

[Tresbn00]

I have noticed a propensity for lack of appreciation to occur around your fifteenth anniversary.  It used to be the seven year itch where humans needed a taste of variety in their lives but noow it seems that a spouse has lost what they originally had in common because they have spent so much time taking care of their children.  I suppose that it could happen at a earlier stage in a relationship if you spend less time on your spouse than you do with other things in your life.  The demographic of my surrounding area seems to be at around year fifteen.

[africanclaudie]

When people live together for a while they tend to take the other one for granted. It just happens that way. When one of the couple goes away for an extended time (or death happens), the regrets are almost overwhelming. Been there. Maybe if we start by appreciating the little insignificant things appreciation of one another will slowly creep back into the relationship.

[meyerkendra]

I just think some days are better than others and today just happens to be one of those that isn't great, I get depressed very easily. I guess things could be worse. He could be cheater like over half of americas spouses are any more, and he is a hard worker, and not a druggie or alcholic. He doesn't beat me eithier. So I will just try and look at it a little better.

[bigfoot951]

I think most people feel unappreciated from time to time, but I think it is just a mental thing most of the time.  I don't mean anything by this, I am just trying to show what I mean....  Your husband goes to work everyday to put food on the table while you aren't working for pay.  He might feel unappreciated at times too.

[dreamyxo]

Unfortunately most people always feel that they have it worse than everyone else.  It seems like he feels that you have it better than him and you probably feel like he has it better than you.  I am a single mom and I help my dad take care of my mom and now my dad is not in good health either.  Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy.  I have learned that feeling that what I do has to be important enough to me that I don't have to have appreciation from them.  It would be nice, but it isn't why I do it.

Some people are incapable of giving approval and appreciation.  Some people just refuse to give it to their spouses or the ones they should appreciate the most.  I would continue to try to work on better communication with him and needing appreciation less.  I know you deserve it, but if you keep expecting something from someone who can't or won't give it, you are setting yourself up for disappointment over and over.  Why do that to yourself?  You don't deserve it.

Instead find a support group, even online if you can't get out of the house.  A church group if you are religious or some support system outside of your spouse.  You can find plenty of people who will give you the encouragement you need to feel appreciated.

Good advice.  Has he shown you appreciation in the past or did he ever?  If he never was the type then don't expect him to change now.

[meyerkendra]

I don't feel hurt by that remark I don't work for pay, but I do work. I take care of his kids and his house, he know's it's work he can't do it for longer than a couple hours without a break down lol. Well maybe not a break down but you know what I mean. He know's it is hard. I guess we have just been married so long we are suppose to know we allready appreciate each other. We really do love each other though and I guess that's more than a lot of people have going for them. A good ten year marriage is great especially now a days.

[HuffmanFamilyof4]

there is no way I would not show my wife the appreciation she deserves as she shows me just as much appreciation as I show her, she works just as hard as I do (maybe even harder) I'm always buying her flowers or taking her out to dinner or even buying her some of the things she's always wanted. this coming june is our 25th wedding anniversary. we don't fight or argue with each other. We have two grown children 23 and 22. You can't stay married for 25 years without showing a little appreciation. and to this date I Love her as much today as I did 25 wonderful years before. here's the secret it's TRUST, you have to trust to be trusted.

[LenoraMinogue]

A friend of mine is going through what you are, feeling very unappreciated. Staying at home with children is a full-time job and then some. Hang in there!