Joke of the day

[cbrownell1]

Confusius say, "Man who stands on toliet is high on pot."

[cbrownell1]

what? No one likes humor or even has one good clean joke to offer. Now i see why some are having a hard time with their posts.

[kapeh12]

This gave me a small chuckle at the end of a long work day.  Almost sounds like something Mr. Miagi would've said to Daniel in the Karate Kid (original, not the remake).

[samrhett2]

Gotta give you credit for trying.  When you started out with "Confusius say..."  I got a little nervous.  I only one joke that starts out like that and I can't repeat it here.   

[cbrownell1]

I know I will post more different jokes day by day, Im just trying to get the humor juices flowing in this forum...LOL

[JediJohnnie]

My friend has been in love with the same woman for 20 years.


Of course,if his wife ever finds out,he's a dead man!

[mc1962]

A man sees a snail on the doorstep and he picks it up and throws it to the other side of the street.


20 years later he sees a snail on his doorstep and the snail says: "HEY! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?"

 

[beckyguhlke]

thanks for the laughs will be checking this one often. and ill let u know if i hear any good ones to post on here!

[Linda67]

My mother was 91 when she died earlier this year, but, she loved a cute joke.  One of her last favorites was about the older lady walking down the street who comes upon a nice looking gentleman...she stops and says "you look just like my third husband"  so he says "well, how many times have you been married?"  "Twice" she says. 

[cbrownell1]

From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands. "Who is it?" A passenger asks the captain. "I've no idea, every year when we pass he goes nuts."

[cbrownell1]

A couple is in bed sleeping when there's a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.
The husband rolls over and looks at the clock, and it's half past 3 in the morning.” I’m not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. So he drags himself out of bed, goes downstairs, opens the door, and there's a man standing there. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push?" "No, get lost. It's half past three and I was in bed," says the man as he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tell his wife what happened and she says, "That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife.” He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.
He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere,
He shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?"
And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" The drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."

[ktheodos]

nice ones.....

[JediJohnnie]

What's the difference between the Boston Red Sox and the Boston Strangler?


The Red Sox only choke in September!

[kangagirl1321]

that was funny. thanks for sharing. that made sense too.

[acurtsinger2]

they were all good....i never can tell a joke to save my life.....iguess i don't need to quit my day job