what would you do if someone you know found out they had brain cancer ?

[angsilva2000]

i found out recently someone i have know since college has a brain tumor.
he seems to be holding a grudge against me for stuff i didnt do. wish he would mature enough to
talk bout things.instead of treating me like he dont know me or want to speak.hes being mean to me .
And thats not cool . also he never helped me with my music whe ni signed a contract.

[dreamyxo]

If you reached out to him and he still holds a grudge that's on him.  You did what you could.  Wish him well and move on.

[2getherwewin]

I would pray for them.

[gaylasue]

Pray for him.  That is about all you can do.  You alone can't change his heart.

[kapeh12]

There's not a lot of detail of the history with you and your friend, so I'll try to post some general ideas that may or may not pertain to your situation.

How long or close friends are you?  Is this behavior normal for him - to hold grudges?  Or is this unusual?  How long ago did he find out his diagnosis - is this recent?

If you are close friends, and this behavior is unusual for him, and his diagnosis is fairly recent (within 6 months to year) - there could be several explanations.  Given the tumor is in/on his brain - that alone could account for unusual behaviors as who knows what that tumor is affecting.  It's not unusual for people with brain cancers to have behavior changes and suddenly act different than normal, then a few months later all is better again.  That's just one of the symptoms of the disease.

Another possibility is if it's a fairly new diagnosis, most likely your friend is scared and/or in shock - definitely is probably fighting anger as well.  That's another reason he may act aggressively as you've described - where it's sourced more out of his own fear and anger, than any true feelings toward you.  It's another possible reaction that is common.  Sometimes this "lashing out" is a defense mechanism to push people away in an attempt "to make it easier for friends/family" if his prognosis is not good.

There could be several other explanations - including the behavior you describe is just his normal behavior (which if this is the case, well, as others say, you just can't change him).

Whatever the situation - if you are a true friend, pray for him/his family/friends - and let him dictate what he needs/wants from you.  If you've made it known that you are there for him, the next move is up to him.  Nothing you can do beyond that for the moment.  If you think this behavior is a result of the disease, then don't think badly of him and don't take his reactions personal - just know it's not really "him" saying those things.

I wish you and him the best.

[jordandog]

kapeh12 just posted most of what I was going to say re the brain cancer/tumor is very likely to be altering his personality. Did you even think about that? You seem to more concerned about his behaviour and your own feelings than you are about the fact that he is scared, suffering, and could possibly die from his condition. You mentioned HIM holding onto grudges and then you say: "also he never helped me with my music whe ni signed a contract". That sure sounds like a grudge toward him if you ask me.

I know this is not one of those 'sweet' replies you have gotten and might be looking to get, but you have NO idea what it is to be told you have cancer, let alone a brain cancer that might have a poor survival rate and terrible things to go through as far as treatment and recovery. You sound pretty selfish in my opinion. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

[sommap]

I agree with the advice that has been given.  Pray for him and take the direction from him.  It sounds like you may have some resentment against him from the past.  Try to forgive that. 

[ancmetro]

    Many people with a brain tumor live longer than people with other health problems.

[jenniferhoder]

Well, it looks like you are getting some great advice! Remember that someone who has just been diagnosed with ANY cancer is going to have a lot of mixed emotions going on, so try and hang in there for your friend! Also, I like the idea of praying for that person too!

[Anasatsia]

Wow thats deep.  I would probably try and spend more time with them.  If it was someone I knew but not personally, I would try and hang out with them. ..but gosh, that is so deep....i dont even know what to say.

[noirlupe]

All you can do at this point sounds like pray for him.  You have nothing to feel guilty about so its not on you.

[catherinedwhite]

"he never helped me with my music whe ni signed a contract"

Sounds to me like you are the one holding a grudge.

Illness brings out the best and worse in people.  Your choice!