Sorry...I know my Moms history an never met the lady.I don't feel like my life is hell but I feel like I need her here with me.I do blame her for it all tho.Down to my feelings toward things,my acts...all about me.Since 7 all i wanted was a full family mommy daddy sons or daughters...I wanted to know what it felt like,TV families just wasn't enough for me.by 13 I found out little truths about how my life was from 5 an under.I have 2 dead sister,one brother who is sick,I was sold as a child,all of us have didn't fathers,Mother never care about nothing but sex money an drugs,"I was the only Lucky one",it's just me my Grandma an Brother.My Brother hates our mother to the fullest.I can't blame him.At that being said I'm not like him either.If I could talk to her I would say...Mommy I miss you and I really wish you was here,I know you did wrong but *bleep* that I need you,I'm so lost...why would you leave me here alone an not warn me about the dangers?I would hope your love is real because I'm here.I have 3 kids of my own who I fight to speak to them because of "trust issues",I fight to be alone...people surround me with their problems,an I can't stay happy.I need you an I know I will never be able to feel your touch or smell your scent or even look into your eyes.I never ask about my father because I really could care less.A Mother is top...A mothers love feels so good an makes people feel so calm,only females can give birth(an if you seen it guys u would not want to go tho with that....AT ALL)...an they rule because all woman have the power of the "P"...to have a "p" u have to be like a GOD or something.Sorry to say but GOD could be a Lady.Women have it over men.So thats why a father to me is nothing...I want to be a good father tho.For my life I don't need a Pops......I wanted a mother and only a mommy.I wish I was close to mine....(sorry but can't write no more)