Royally Frustrated!

[dwickizer]

I went to visit sister yesterday and took her a dozen of farm fresh eggs, her "care-taker" that is there 24/7 was sleeping on the couch (again and as usual)I noticed that sister was having problems writing and even putting the lid on her water bottle after taking her medication (morphine) she has had a stroke, I know the signs, what really frustrates me is that the "care-taker" is a brother and is supposed to be taking better care of her, I am ready to just royally chew his *bleep* (please excuse my language), but I have been "biting" my tongue for sister's sake since she doesn't need the stress am I doing the right thing by keeping my mouth shut?

[SGuillen81]

No, obviously he isn't giving her the care she needs or deserves. I say pull him aside and talk to him "calmly" about it and say he'll be replaced if he doesn't do his job. If something serious were to happen to your sister then you would feel really guilty for not opening your mouth and speaking up.

[loulizlee]

I can understand your frustration, but, having been a caregiver myself, I know how very difficult it is.  It is hard on a younger, healthy person, but if he is older and not very well himself, it is extremely hard.  All the circumstances were not explained, but if he is a paid caregiver, he should have been more alert, but he should not be expected to provide care 24/7 without help.  Is anyone else in the family coming in to relieve him?  My husband is a volunteer Hospice Aide who stays with terminal and disabled patients to relieve the caregiver to go shopping or for some personal time.  I think you should have a talk with the caregiver but also offer some help.  Full-time care-giving is VERY hard.

[dwickizer]

I can understand your frustration, but, having been a caregiver myself, I know how very difficult it is.  It is hard on a younger, healthy person, but if he is older and not very well himself, it is extremely hard.  All the circumstances were not explained, but if he is a paid caregiver, he should have been more alert, but he should not be expected to provide care 24/7 without help.  Is anyone else in the family coming in to relieve him?  My husband is a volunteer Hospice Aide who stays with terminal and disabled patients to relieve the caregiver to go shopping or for some personal time.  I think you should have a talk with the caregiver but also offer some help.  Full-time care-giving is VERY hard.

I have also been a care-giver myself, in home and at nursing homes, his only problem is that he drinks too much and is lazy, I promised sister she would never be put into a nursing home because she has also  been a care-giver, but when he has been drinking (whiskey) he gets nasty he hasn't even been outside in 2 months! But I will have my chance at chewing his *bleep* one of these days (again please excuse my language) I have already told him that sister had better not fall again while he was being lazy!

[mc1962]

might be time to get the state authorities involved.  I mean, what if there was a fire or something? I hope things work out there. 

[diala84]

If he is hired help then it is negligence to say nothing when he treats his client in this manner.
However, If he is just doing it without compensation then I would suggest looking into alternative caregiving options involving in-home care services.

Either way you can talk to him about it, report him and/or leave it be.

The choice is yours whether you report him but in the end if he is hired on by others in the future to be a caregiver you are essentially allowing him to mistreat others down the road. He should be told that what he is doing is wrong. 

[loulizlee]

If he is a drunk, why is he even being allowed to be a caregiver? 

[dwickizer]

If he is hired help then it is negligence to say nothing when he treats his client in this manner.
However, If he is just doing it without compensation then I would suggest looking into alternative caregiving options involving in-home care services.

Either way you can talk to him about it, report him and/or leave it be.

The choice is yours whether you report him but in the end if he is hired on by others in the future to be a caregiver you are essentially allowing him to mistreat others down the road. He should be told that what he is doing is wrong. 

He will never be hired again to be a care-giver, he is too darned lazy & I have chewed his *bleep* recently for not doing his job, I have also told sister just how I feel about the situation, he is blood relation, I am not, but sister said she has even chewed his *bleep*; just earlier today and she threatened to send his butt back to where he come from! (Go sister!)

[dq_queen3]

this is his sister he is suppose to be taking care of? You should pull him aside and find out whats the problem. I have two sisters and if I was in that position i would be highly upset because of all people she should be able to count on for proper care should be him.

[loulizlee]

I think the question everyone is dancing around is "why don't you do something besides 'chew his a.. out'?.  If you know anything about drunks (unfortunately, I do, my father was one and so are a couple other members of my family), you know this NEVER works.  Neither does sitting them down and talking with them.  The only solution is for the alcoholic to get help for himself and for the patient to get help from some other (sober and reliable) source.