What would you do in this situation?

[lighthouse68]

My cousin's fiance is having a bridal shower. My aunt (his mom) is picking up a gift that we are all to chip in for. She just assumed that everyone can put in $25-$30.  I didn't know this when my mom told me. I told her I can only afford $20 as I lost my job in April and haven't been able to find one yet. My aunt thinks that I am being cheap and should be able to afford the other $5-$10.  She said that she has done so much for me and my kids as in gifts and it is my adult obligation to be able to do the same. I never asked her to give anything to me or my kids. I always have given a gift if I can afford it and the thought behind. I never ask for anything in return. She has always been about how much money she has given for this and that. I think she is missing the point of giving a gift. It shouldn't be the amount, it should be the thought. She said that she is hurt that we can't afford the other amount and that we would probably use it to get fast food or other things that I don't need. I told her that we hardly go out and I tell my kids I can't afford to get them the things that they want extra.  Is she being petty or I am I taking her harsh critism the wrong way?

[stokeman455]

    You are totally right, it`s the thought that counts!  They are lucky to be getting anything due to your financial situation. Do not feel like you have to match anyone elses amount of money for a gift. I`m sure you can find something very nice for $20. Use your immagination. Your unemployed student friend (stokeman455)   

[mgarmstrong]

You are completely right.  Stick to your gus and always put your kids needs 1st.  If she would prefer, you could not donate the $20 to the joint gift and just purchase your gift seperately.

[irishlady1970]

I think your Aunt is being very petty and childish in this situation. It's not about how much you spend on a gift, it's about the thought and care that you put into it. If you can't afford it, she should understand it and support you on this, not make you feel guilty about it. It's none of her business what you spend your money on anyways and she should be grateful that you can give the amount you can afford. If she continues to make you feel bad about it, I would not give her a penny and buy a present in the amount that I can afford and give that to the bride to be.

[rj4tr]

This is her son's fiance that is having the bridal shower? Then, she is being cheap, because I don't think the future mother-in-law should be chipping in for a shower gift!

[JessieKateRose]

If you can't afford it you can't afford it. : If you lost your job and have children to take care of she should be able to understand that. Just try not to get angry and just keep telling her that you really don't have the money.

[purplerush44]

I'd end up throwing in another $5 to keep the peace.
I've done it before with my siblings.
Now that they have kids, they realize what I meant when I said that it would be tough
to chip in on an expensive gift.

[wsnyyankees2009]

What are your Mom's thoughts on your Aunt "bullying" you??   Can she step in and help diffuse the situation??

I agree with "rj4tr"; it's Her Future Daughter-in-Law; Her gift should "stand alone"...No Chipping In By Anyone

You are unemployed & raising children...."STICK TO YOUR GUNS"

If your Aunt doesn't understand that then she's being selfish & unreasonable

Can you & your Mom or another mutual relative or friend get together for a gift??? 

There are great gift items available @ TJ Maxx or AJ Wright or Home Goods which are quite nice & cost effective  
 

[karenkpc]

I hate situations like this, and have made it my policy for many years to stay out of them. 
I have zero money for chip-ins, so I've had to get creative.  mostly zero money for gifts too, lol.  things I've done this year: cd's and printouts for birthdays with the music and events of the birth year; made binky straps for baby showers; made gingerbread ornaments for christmas; etc.  see if maybe you can go outside the box and try creating something unique...because people value that sort of thing.  hope this helps!

[sands01]

I agree that your aunt is being very childish. If she can't accept your $20 then she doesn't need it at all. Find your own gift to give. Why should your cousin's fiance get only one gift anyway?

[leebra]

I would feel silly asking somebody for the extra $5.00 if I knew that the person was out of work.  You are in charge of how much you want/can spend.   She should be ashamed of herself.

[cjobey99]

You are right, and she is soooo wrong.  Don't let her guilt you into anything.  She has some nerve to be part of a pool anyway.  She may have something in mind, that she wants them to have, that she can't afford to get them.  Things don't matter, People do.......

[dreamyxo]

Tell her you have $20 to give and that's it take it or leave it.  If she goes on about it just remind her that you are out of work and that money should be going to feed your kids instead. 

[GoGoKokiGo]

Times are tough. If you can't afford it. YOU. CAN'T. AFFORD. IT! Period. It's only $5 anyway. It's not that huge of a difference, I'm sure she'll be okay. I would much rather come of being cheap so that I can feed my children, then give the extra $5 then need it one day.

[wischmeyersn]

I totally agree with you oin this one. if she can't accept that you can only afford $20 then thats her problem, and she can find someone else to pitch in for the large gift. there are so many great gifts you can get for $20!