Stuff I find funny hee hee

[ButterflyWings]

    
 

Jokes I think are funny......

Blonde Jokes I have heard my share of these.....

As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened.

The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..."
The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.


Funny Redneck stuff....


Redneck Medical Terms

Benign - What you be, after you be eight.
Artery - The study of paintings
Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria
Barium - what doctors do when patients die
Cesarean section - a neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan - searching for kitty
Cauterize - made eye contact with her
Colic - a sheep dog
coma- a punctuation mark
D & C - Where Washington is
Dilate - to live long
Enema - Not a friend
Fester - quicker than someone else
Fibula - a small lie
Genital - a non-Jewish person
GI series - world series of military baseball
Hangnail - what you hang your coat on
Impotent - distinguished, well-known
Labor pain - getting hurt at work
medical staff - a doctor's cane
Morbid - a higher offer
Nitrates - cheaper than day rates
Node - I knew it
Outpatient - a person who has fainted
Pap Smear - A fatherhood test
Pelvis - second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative - a letter carrier
Recovery room - place to do upholstery
Rectum - darn near killed him
Secretion - hiding something
Seizure - a Roman emperor
Tablet - a small table
Terminal Illness - getting sick at the airport
Tumor - one plus one more
Urine - opposite of you're out
Varicose - nearby / close by

People might think you are a Redneck if...

Your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire...on her house
Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.

Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.


Dirty jokes....
A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger *bleep*'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your *bleep* for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my *bleep* bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your *bleep*' says the boyfriend.


A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examining his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating."

The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?"

The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."

[mommagoes]

husband asks his wife "what would you do if we won the lottery?" she says "take half and leave you!" so he says "well we just won! here's $5, get out!"

husband comes home and tells his wife "pack your bags, i just won the lottery!" she jumps up and says "oh my! where are we going?" he says " i don't care where you're going, but i want you out in 5!"

[ButterflyWings]

LMAO funny thanks I hope you enjoyed mine too

[tzs]

   
 

Jokes I think are funny......

Blonde Jokes I have heard my share of these.....

As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened.

The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..."
The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.


Funny Redneck stuff....


Redneck Medical Terms

Benign - What you be, after you be eight.
Artery - The study of paintings
Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria
Barium - what doctors do when patients die
Cesarean section - a neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan - searching for kitty
Cauterize - made eye contact with her
Colic - a sheep dog
coma- a punctuation mark
D & C - Where Washington is
Dilate - to live long
Enema - Not a friend
Fester - quicker than someone else
Fibula - a small lie
Genital - a non-Jewish person
GI series - world series of military baseball
Hangnail - what you hang your coat on
Impotent - distinguished, well-known
Labor pain - getting hurt at work
medical staff - a doctor's cane
Morbid - a higher offer
Nitrates - cheaper than day rates
Node - I knew it
Outpatient - a person who has fainted
Pap Smear - A fatherhood test
Pelvis - second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative - a letter carrier
Recovery room - place to do upholstery
Rectum - darn near killed him
Secretion - hiding something
Seizure - a Roman emperor
Tablet - a small table
Terminal Illness - getting sick at the airport
Tumor - one plus one more
Urine - opposite of you're out
Varicose - nearby / close by

People might think you are a Redneck if...

Your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire...on her house
Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.

Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.


Dirty jokes....
A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger *bleep*'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your *bleep* for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my *bleep* bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your *bleep*' says the boyfriend.


A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examining his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating."

The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?"

The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."

Love it, Love it! Keep bringing the funny, everyone needs some funny in their lives!!!!! Thanks for posting this, you brightened my dreary rainy day!!!

[Fireman10]

awesome 

[ButterflyWings]

Thanks I love making people laugh so definitely look for more jokes and silly stuff from me

[mommagoes]

 a man goes out to get cigarettes but the only place he could find them was the nearby bar. so he enters, gets his cigarettes and sees meets a beautiful blonde. he diecides to buy her a beer and a few drinks later, with things going well, they end up at the blonde's appartment. the next morning the guy wakes up and tells to the blonde: "man, my wife is going to kill me!" and leaves.

when he gets home, his wife is very upset. he decides to tell her the truth and starts telling the story, "I went to get cigarettes but the only place open was the bar, but then i met a beautiful blonde woman and somehow ended up at her place."

his wife looks at him long and hard and then says, "you are such a liar! you went bowling, didn't you?"

[ktheodos]

nice ones! Thanks for sharing folks!