I don't think, I KNOW!! Wow, it is too bad that you won't open your heart. I pray that God will show you, that God will come into your life and you will believe. For me, I was running around drinking partying, and wasting my life away, I figured I was only going to die, might as well get there quicker, yeah right, I seen all my rummy pals, die pretty quick also, they were young, then God wanted me to see other things, it is amazing how my life has changed. I tried everything to quit drinking, nothing helped, I just didn't have the will, why should I stop, ya know, I had nothing and no one, as far as I was concerned. But I seen something that changed all that, and I guess that was the only way, I pray your heart changes, but until you believe, you won't believe, and ya probably dont' even know what that means. Ya gotta have faith, He loves us, He created us. He sent His Son for us. The devil is the one who controls doubt and disbelief, and when that is present, well, I will let you draw the rest.