Adoption

[levettepough]

Tell me what would you do if you gave up a child for adoption because it was best at the time. 19yrs later the Lord reunited you and this child everything going great until this happens. I took a family portrait with all of my kids including my reunited adopted daughter. I asked her sometime ago when would she allow me to post her on facebook as one of my children. I have three other children and I am always posting pictures of them and I felt like I was leaving her out. So when I took my family portrait me with my four children and 2 grandchildren she gave me permission to post that picture on facebook. I got a message from her today asking me to make my page private because friends of friends from all direction was able to see this. Our agreement was for me not to tag her. And I did not but now she is upset because my page is not private. I think she is worried about who is going to see who she really is and would probably questioned her about it. Well her adopted mom and I have a great relationship and she told me to leave things as is pay her no mind because she always want things her way. I need advice,comments what have you and I am waiting on fushioncash input.
e.

[BlackSheepNY]

That's a tough thing.  I think I would respect her wishes if I really wanted to keep the relationship going.  I can't tell you what she's thinking but, you may be correct in your assumption that she doesn't want to have to explain herself to people.  Perhaps that part of her life has been kept to herself all these years and she doesn't want to bring it up now.

[diala84]

I don't think you can really blame her. It is great that she allows you back into her life but it takes time to build a real relationship and it can''t be done overnight. There could be many reasons why she doesn't want to post it (doesn't want to hurt her adopted families feelings, doesn't want to have to explain the relationship, is embarrassed by not fitting in with friends, feels confused about how she feels about the relationship, doesn't want to get too close for fear of future abandonment). If you want a good relationship respect her wishes and don't force your presence in her life if she wants space. She has built an identity around the life she had before you came back into her life and she is still young and trying to sort it all out. This request may also be a way to maintaining control in this relationship to prevent from getting hurt.

[Nancy5]

I have to agree with the other postings.  I would sadly take it off.  I don't know her reasons, but whatever they are, they are important to her.  I would respect her wishes, I would be afraid if I didn't that might hurt the relationship you two are starting to build.  Take pictures of her with and without your other kids and display them in your home, and keep them in your wallet, but for now remove them from Facebook and respect her wishes.

[msmoneybags48]

I feel for your situation.  You gave up a child for adoption, more likely than not, because you could not afford to care for her and wanted her to have the best opportunities in life.  I think it is commendable that you put the needs of your child above your own and did what you felt was the right thing.  My mother gave up my sister for adoption, and we were reunited in August 2000.  You and she were reunited and it is up to you to make your Facebook page private.  I would listen to the adopted mother and let things blow over.  She could have honored your wishes, or she could have started her own Facebook page and made it public.  There are solutions to this problem.  Good luck, and I sincerely hope things work out for the two of you.

[batmobile]

well how do u expect her to feel? its very awkward

[samisue]

You don't necessarily have to make your page private. Facebook now allows you to control privacy settings for each picture/album. I would respect her wishes at this time. I think it's awesome that you have welcomed into your family and consider her to be one of your children as if she had never left. Good luck to you!

[sammywantsya]

I have to agree with the other postings. .... but by all means if u need help u need someone to go to..

[mjdoug03]

You should respect her wishes and remove it.  I was looking up adoption on here as my husband and I are just starting the process, and came across your story.

[kqa]

I would respect her wishes and/or change your privacy settings so that only your friends can see it and make certain she isn't tagged.

[tammypete]

That's tough!  I really have mixed feelings about it!!!  I just don't think that I could give up a child of mine....regardless the circumstances!!!

[dreamyxo]

I see this is an old thread but I will comment any way.  Respect her wishes and don't post her pics.  I personally do not post pics online of myself.  I'm a private person and it just something I will not do.  I don't want my pics out there for identity theft or anything like that.  I'm glad you asked her permission first though. She may be a private person I don't know but if she says she doesn't want her pics posted online don't post them.

[zreeds]

I was in foster care as a child and it is difficult to deal with having two sets of families. I say listen to her adoptive mother and your will come around. it might not happen as fast as you want it to but be patient, she'll come around. shower with love and understanding.