When do people grow up and stop acting like babies?

[msmoneybags48]

My baby sister was left in the house left to our family when my mother died of a massive heart attack 16 and a half years ago.  I received a phone call from my brother in-law,  who explained that the taxes had not been paid in 5 years and someone else owns the house now.  My sister has been taking money out of her home to take care of my baby sister,  who has two children.  My baby sister received some money.  Instead of trying to move out of the house,  she gave her children $100 each,  had her hair done and purchased a cellphone.  When my brother in-law said something to my baby sister,  she told him "I'll do me."  My sister and brother are going all out to save the house and she doesn't plan to help them.  I look at it like this:  my baby sister is 41 and is using the "baby act" to make my sister and brother give her what she wants.  In order to save the house,  my sister has been told by a lawyer that they need $800.  My brother is trying to file bankruptcy to save the house.

I told my sister that if my baby sister is worried about being homeless,  she needs to stop it.  I could very well see it if the house was in pristeen condition but the house is 38 years old,  the pipes were sold out of it a long time ago to the point where it leaks and the roof fell in.  Yet my baby sister wants to stay there in the house with her children.   I,  along with other people,  say my sister and brother needs to let my baby sister stand on her own two feet and my baby sister needs to think of her children and move.  What do you think of this?

 

[BlackSheepNY]

My baby sister was left in the house left to our family when my mother died of a massive heart attack 16 and a half years ago.  I received a phone call from my brother in-law,  who explained that the taxes had not been paid in 5 years and someone else owns the house now.  My sister has been taking money out of her home to take care of my baby sister,  who has two children.  My baby sister received some money.  Instead of trying to move out of the house,  she gave her children $100 each,  had her hair done and purchased a cellphone.  When my brother in-law said something to my baby sister,  she told him "I'll do me."  My sister and brother are going all out to save the house and she doesn't plan to help them.  I look at it like this:  my baby sister is 41 and is using the "baby act" to make my sister and brother give her what she wants.  In order to save the house,  my sister has been told by a lawyer that they need $800.  My brother is trying to file bankruptcy to save the house.

I told my sister that if my baby sister is worried about being homeless,  she needs to stop it.  I could very well see it if the house was in pristeen condition but the house is 38 years old,  the pipes were sold out of it a long time ago to the point where it leaks and the roof fell in.  Yet my baby sister wants to stay there in the house with her children.   I,  along with other people,  say my sister and brother needs to let my baby sister stand on her own two feet and my baby sister needs to think of her children and move.  What do you think of this?

 

I don't think I'd want to save a house that leaks everywhere and has major damage to the roof.  It sounds like it's on the verge of being condemned, if you ask me.  It will cost $800 to save the house.  It's gonna cost THOUSANDS more just to get it back to a livable place, and you, as the home owner, WILL be responsible.  Pardon the expression but, your sister sounds like she needs to pull her head out of her you-know-where.  I wouldn't be walking from this situation, I'd be RUNNING.

[dreamyxo]

Stop using the term "baby sister" for a grown woman.  Younger sister, fine.  Who owns the house?  If it's in your sister's name let her deal with it and don't bail her out.  It's way past time for tough love.  Let the house fall down on her. 

[pwhittle1]

Your sister is no baby. Let her stand on her own 2 feet. She will have to get her own place. But if all of you  continue helping her then she has no reason to. Shut the door on her so to speak. Where one door closes another opens. She has kids? If that house gets worse, Child PROTECTION can step in. She can get an apartment or house and Social Services can pay the rent.

That house is not worth holding on to. Your brother files for Bankruptcy, then what? He couldn't pay the taxes for 5 years so where is he going to get the money later on to pay the taxes?

[nhendrickson]

Your "baby" sister is an adult and needs to start acting like one. 

The $800 is just a bankruptcy filing fee for your other sister and BIL.  It's not going to make the needed repairs or pay the back taxes which needs to be done in the long run if the house is be saved.  Property taxes don't just go away in bankruptcy from what I know.  They need to question the lawyer about that.  This is just a stall tactic that may fail long term.  If "baby" sister can't pay the taxes or make repairs, then you need a renter who can do that IF anyone is willing to rent the house in that state of disrepair. 

Who owns this house?  All of you?  I think the other legal owners need to contact an attorney about what you can do to either get your youngest sister out of the house and try to sell it. 

[vp44]

Seems like some part of the story is missing here. Like who owns the house now and why haven't the owner tryed to fix the home, grants and other things can be applied for to fix this home, really do not know about this home situation. Evidently she may not want to leave because it was a home she may have grown up in with mom and do not want to leave. Who ever owns the home should be ashamed of themself and do something about to fix the home to be livable. Also if I was the youngest sister I would go to court to file against the person who owns the home. Taxes not paid in 5 years seem like someone drop the ball long ago. I think there is more to this situation, that is just my opinion.

[xenagirl92]

I, personally, don't believe women and men never really grow up. I feel women, however, mature and grow up more faster than men. I say this because girls right away start playing the role of mothers(with dolls) which are nurtures, whereas, not to many boys play with dolls. I know grown men who still have tandrums and outbursts like little boys. Girls immediately assume a parenting role and try to act mature as soon as they get their doll(s).

[nhendrickson]

I, personally, don't believe women and men never really grow up. I feel women, however, mature and grow up more faster than men. I say this because girls right away start playing the role of mothers(with dolls) which are nurtures, whereas, not to many boys play with dolls. I know grown men who still have tandrums and outbursts like little boys. Girls immediately assume a parenting role and try to act mature as soon as they get their doll(s).

Being a mother or playing at being one does not make a woman mature.  There are plenty of childless women who are at least as mature if not more so than ones with children.  The sister described by the OP has children, but doesn't seem to be capable of handling her finances properly for example.

[swkstudent]

I, personally, don't believe women and men never really grow up. I feel women, however, mature and grow up more faster than men. I say this because girls right away start playing the role of mothers(with dolls) which are nurtures, whereas, not to many boys play with dolls. I know grown men who still have tandrums and outbursts like little boys. Girls immediately assume a parenting role and try to act mature as soon as they get their doll(s).

Being a mother or playing at being one does not make a woman mature.  There are plenty of childless women who are at least as mature if not more so than ones with children.  The sister described by the OP has children, but doesn't seem to be capable of handling her finances properly for example.

Very true.

[diala84]

I think family dynamics seldom change. No matter your age those dynamics will be there. Some family members will fall and others are there to pick up the pieces. Your choice is to continue the cycle or shake it up and let a little bit of growth happen. Failing is just as necessary and success or your "baby" sister will never learn success without knowing failure. There also may be other forces at play in this situation. For instance if your brother and sisters are emotionally invested in the house and what it means to your family that will make this situation all the more difficult. Knowing the motivation for why they continue to help your "baby" sister even when she doesn't put the effort in will help you see how you can help in this situation. Maybe they are really fighting for what the house means to them. Be careful how you get involved because there will most certainly be a lot of drama and hurt feelings in a situation like this. In the end they are still your family and it is your choice how you want to continue a relationship with each sibling. 

[meg0694]

Some people never do!!!!!!

[levettepough]

My baby sister was left in the house left to our family when my mother died of a massive heart attack 16 and a half years ago.  I received a phone call from my brother in-law,  who explained that the taxes had not been paid in 5 years and someone else owns the house now.  My sister has been taking money out of her home to take care of my baby sister,  who has two children.  My baby sister received some money.  Instead of trying to move out of the house,  she gave her children $100 each,  had her hair done and purchased a cellphone.  When my brother in-law said something to my baby sister,  she told him "I'll do me."  My sister and brother are going all out to save the house and she doesn't plan to help them.  I look at it like this:  my baby sister is 41 and is using the "baby act" to make my sister and brother give her what she wants.  In order to save the house,  my sister has been told by a lawyer that they need $800.  My brother is trying to file bankruptcy to save the house.

I told my sister that if my baby sister is worried about being homeless,  she needs to stop it.  I could very well see it if the house was in pristeen condition but the house is 38 years old,  the pipes were sold out of it a long time ago to the point where it leaks and the roof fell in.  Yet my baby sister wants to stay there in the house with her children.   I,  along with other people,  say my sister and brother needs to let my baby sister stand on her own two feet and my baby sister needs to think of her children and move.  What do you think of this?

 

Leave well enogh alone. God will show her herself and when he does she will not like it.

[healthfreedom]

One thing that bothers me is to see grown peopole act like babies. It's just as easy to grown up and be matured.