Adults Affected By Past Child Abuse

[ElleRich]

As an adult, I am shocked and distressed by the severity of the abuse many of the adults I know suffered as children. I got whupped every now and then, but my home was a loving place. I am so sorry for these people. WHY do people have children if they're just going to be mean to them???

In my opinion, in most cases , it amounts to that's all you know from childhood and the cycle continues into the next generation or many lash out because of suppressed anger and takes it out on their children.  Sad, but true...my granddaughter was beaten up by her father about a month back.  He faces a felony and a misdemeanor charge, but his enabling parents hired a lawyer... they live in a small town and it will all be pushed under the rug...just like it was when he beat up my daughter about 8 years ago.

[cubarican210]

I Strongly believe that sexual abuse and physical and mental abuse as a child still effects you as you get older! For instance I am a victim of sexual abuse and we wont get in to how that effects me , But what about a broader spectrum like Teachers! My brother was slapped  when he was about 7 by a Morning monitor I saw the whole thing. After i saw that I made an excuse to go to the office and told the nurse I was sick and needed to call my mom. I was about 9 then it was natural to just take up for him. Well she came up to the school and took care of it. So when i see him now and i see certain stuff about him that brings me back to that day. And i have another real close friend that  is still botherd by the fact a teacher made fun of her when she was in 3rd grade and she is 30 now and brings it up at least4 times a year. Lets just say that just that and Dallas Schools have kept her 10 year old daughter in home school all of her life!

You're not alone in this. I have learned to move on from the sexual abuse that I went through from 7 through 12 years old. That's 5 years of torture that I wish I would have never gone through. In the end it has made me stronger because now I'm more in tune with how people act. If I feel a bad vibe coming from someone I'm definitely staying away. Usually if your gut tells you something is wrong then 95% of the time you are correct. Call me crazy or whatever you want but for me this worked, I questioned the person who abused me as a child as to why he did it. He gave some BS answers but I had to get those answers in order to start my healing process. Most people don't have that opportunity to move on. As for me I can say I have moved on and I know I will never have to deal with that person again. I just get the satisfaction knowing that he's paying for what he did to me as a child. It's called Karma. What goes around, comes around?

[gesus]

what a serious subject , yeah i think it effects the emotional build of a person , especially when your young like that , who to trust and just the action of it is crazy

[jcribb16]

        I am a victim many times over. It seemed to be a family tradition in my adopted family.This created patterns that have severly affected the rest of my life.
But I haven't killed anyone. I haven't raped anyone. I haven't abused anyone. I have never intentionally hurt anyone, UNLESS they hurt me first. Mostly, I have hurt myself because (subconsciously) I just didn't think I deserved any better.

I have so much seething anger. Yes sometimes, I am very mad at God. I know that the Self Help Gurus say that we create our own reality. BULL Sh*t. My mother walked off and left me when I was 3 months old. What did I have to do with that?? What did I do to create that fiasco?? Answer---Not a dam*n thing. That is on God--NOT ME!! And at the age of 3 the sexual abuse began. Must have been God's fault. Could not have been my fault!!

I guess I better shut up, before I really get mad. I could write a book or two. In fact that is in my plans. BUTTT I will have to write it as a fiction, BECAUSE Nobody will believe what I have lived through.Yet, I can still walk and talk, cook, cry and pray, and I haven't killed anyone yet. I have written many poems and a few songs.

Holler at me on Facebook----Peggy Collis

I just want to say that people WILL believe what you have lived through.  As you can see just on here, there are fellow supporters that have been through similar situations, including myself.  What Annella says is the tough truth.  Forgiveness is one of the hardest first steps to take.  After that it gets easier to achieve the victory and build your life the way to make you the better person.  Hang in there.  I will pray for you in this.

[jcribb16]

Where to start on this subject.  There is so much about this.

I see a lot of this in counseling individuals that have come to Christ.  The best thing to do is forgive the person that has offended you when you were a child.  Sometimes this takes time, and not particularly easy to do.  Sometimes the person just has to admit to God that they can't do it, and that He needs to help them forgive.  He does. Nothing is impossible with God.

I've seen God take lives that are a hopeless mess, and turn them around into new creatures in Him.  It can be done with God's help.  Children who are raped and/or abused are "fragmented".  They can take on characteristics of their offenders.  There's so much that goes on, and gets passed back and forth in these acts.  The person above that states she became a nymphomaniac is telling a not uncommon symptom after such episodes.  God can heal that fragmentation in the emotions.  Laying something tragic as this at Jesus feet, and leaving it there is not as easy as it sounds.  We have a tendency to pick it right back up when we leave.  Forgiveness is the key to release, and living a life in victory over that that hinders us.

Spanking a child to teach discipline does not cause negative emotions in an adult unless that adult is using it for an excuse for their own bad behavior.  I've talked with various people that will "hold on" to a spanking or correction from their parents and call it abuse.  It is not abuse.  There is correction that is abuse, and can harm an adult in their later life and abuse their own children.  Example:  If the children saw daddy slap mommy and the kids around......they are likely to do the same when they get older.  A pattern like that can be broken.

I tell people all the time....you had a bad childhood?  Well, childhood is over, and now your an adult and can make your own choices and decisions.  You are no longer bound by what happened in your childhood, because it's over. Someone who holds onto "slights" that happened to them as a child, is someone that wants to stay in that state and have people feel sorry for them......they need to grow up and enter adulthood.  I've seen many people overcome horrible childhoods to become beautiful men and women of God who have such contributions to their church body and society as a whole.

Don't get me wrong, their are strongholds that have us bound from some things that happen to us in our childhoods (molestation is one), but God can remove those strongholds if we are willing to forgive and put them in his capable hands.  That "frees" us to a new life.  Again...Forgiveness is the key.

If you think I'm not talking from experience, you would be wrong.  What I am today in Christ is nothing I was as a child.  It's possible to rise above anything with God helping you.  Real healing needs to take place, and only God can do that.  Never hold onto hate and a desire for vengeance as it only destroys you.  Believe me, God is the avenger, and will in no wise let anything go unpunished that is not repented of.

I could write reams on this subject, but only hit the highlights.

Annella, I am so glad you are in here.  It's wonderful to see you and speak with you on such a tender subject.

[Annella]

Thank you girlfriend   I take it you had a wonderful Christmas/New Year's with your loved ones.  We need to keep in touch via email.  I'm so bad at that but will make an extra effort.  Been a bit under the weather, but feeling better now. 

It's been raining in sheets for days and days.  If I didn't know the Bible any better, I'd be looking for a present day Noah....lol  However, we know that the earth will never be destroyed by water again.

You always have the cutest kitty pictures posted.

[Cuppycake]

        I am a victim many times over. It seemed to be a family tradition in my adopted family.This created patterns that have severly affected the rest of my life.
But I haven't killed anyone. I haven't raped anyone. I haven't abused anyone. I have never intentionally hurt anyone, UNLESS they hurt me first. Mostly, I have hurt myself because (subconsciously) I just didn't think I deserved any better.

I have so much seething anger. Yes sometimes, I am very mad at God. I know that the Self Help Gurus say that we create our own reality. BULL Sh*t. My mother walked off and left me when I was 3 months old. What did I have to do with that?? What did I do to create that fiasco?? Answer---Not a dam*n thing. That is on God--NOT ME!! And at the age of 3 the sexual abuse began. Must have been God's fault. Could not have been my fault!!

I guess I better shut up, before I really get mad. I could write a book or two. In fact that is in my plans. BUTTT I will have to write it as a fiction, BECAUSE Nobody will believe what I have lived through.Yet, I can still walk and talk, cook, cry and pray, and I haven't killed anyone yet. I have written many poems and a few songs.

Holler at me on Facebook----Peggy Collis

IF there is a "god" it is NOT a kind and loving "god" as bible thumpers will have you believe. Trust me I share your anger! I won't post my long very personal story here but I will say that I find movies like Hannibal and The Boondock Saints (and I love the show Dexter!) very appealing. Although unless I am put in a situation of protecting someone or myself it is highly unlikely I would ever do anything like that but not because I don't want to! I can't stand the thought of the people who abused me or others going on with life as if nothing happened!

[freepcmoney]

        I am a victim many times over. It seemed to be a family tradition in my adopted family.This created patterns that have severly affected the rest of my life.
But I haven't killed anyone. I haven't raped anyone. I haven't abused anyone. I have never intentionally hurt anyone, UNLESS they hurt me first. Mostly, I have hurt myself because (subconsciously) I just didn't think I deserved any better.

I have so much seething anger. Yes sometimes, I am very mad at God. I know that the Self Help Gurus say that we create our own reality. BULL Sh*t. My mother walked off and left me when I was 3 months old. What did I have to do with that?? What did I do to create that fiasco?? Answer---Not a dam*n thing. That is on God--NOT ME!! And at the age of 3 the sexual abuse began. Must have been God's fault. Could not have been my fault!!

I guess I better shut up, before I really get mad. I could write a book or two. In fact that is in my plans. BUTTT I will have to write it as a fiction, BECAUSE Nobody will believe what I have lived through.Yet, I can still walk and talk, cook, cry and pray, and I haven't killed anyone yet. I have written many poems and a few songs.

Holler at me on Facebook----Peggy Collis

You need help, and you need it quickly.  Blaming God for what happened to you is a common lament.....I hear it often.  This world is full of people that are full of hate, murder, etc  That does not come from God.  In order to get some peace in your life, you have some work ahead of you.  You can do it in spite of all that's happened to you.  You can gain the victory that the enemy wanted to take from you for the rest of your life.  Find a good Christian counselor to talk to.  Be careful who you go to.  Pray for God to lead you to a good one.  I'm going to get you a name of a lady who is the best in this field and she has a website with many books that address just what has been addressed here in this thread. 

My mother left me also as a baby....walked right out.  It's not God's fault.  It was my mother's choice.  I chose to forgive her. I have no idea what her life was at that time.  The Bible says: "When my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up" (it goes something like that).  How true that is.  We have something in common.  People tell me all the time that I should write a book because my life is stranger than fiction.

You say you haven't killed anyone yet, and that you won't hurt anyone unless they hurt you first.  Your thirst for vengeance is there, and can be destructive to a point that you may not be able to control someday. However, I'm happy to see that you pray.....right track my dear.

I'll be back with the name.

Go to www.lyndadoty.com  Her name is Lynda Allison Doty and she is a Psychologist and a Psychiatrist (PhD).  She's also a Christian, and has written many books on emotional healing.  A book I would recommend is "Help Me Heal".  I've read a lot of her books and they are wonderful.

I met her and her husband at a conference about 5 years ago.  They have both dedicated their lives to the ministry of emotional and mental healing of people.  With an emphasis on women.  I'll be praying for you.

Thank You Annella, Please just continue with the prayers. NO I am not going to kill anyone. ALL those famiy members are already DEAD. I am 63 and unable to work.
I am happy to just stay home alone and away from prople. I do enjoy the computer.

Have no money for books, and not much time for listening to some counselor. But I am aware that prayer can work miracles. Thanks again.

[cyncity831]

My husband and his brother experienced physical violence as children by their step father.  Now years later my husband has a good job, we have 2 children, and we are doing really good actually.  His brother, on the other hand, only two years younger has spent the majority of his life in and out of jail.  Has never been able to maintain a real job, sold drugs.  My point is, although I understand the trauma it can cause someone, what your life becomes depends on what you allow it to become.

[jcribb16]

        I am a victim many times over. It seemed to be a family tradition in my adopted family.This created patterns that have severly affected the rest of my life.
But I haven't killed anyone. I haven't raped anyone. I haven't abused anyone. I have never intentionally hurt anyone, UNLESS they hurt me first. Mostly, I have hurt myself because (subconsciously) I just didn't think I deserved any better.

I have so much seething anger. Yes sometimes, I am very mad at God. I know that the Self Help Gurus say that we create our own reality. BULL Sh*t. My mother walked off and left me when I was 3 months old. What did I have to do with that?? What did I do to create that fiasco?? Answer---Not a dam*n thing. That is on God--NOT ME!! And at the age of 3 the sexual abuse began. Must have been God's fault. Could not have been my fault!!

I guess I better shut up, before I really get mad. I could write a book or two. In fact that is in my plans. BUTTT I will have to write it as a fiction, BECAUSE Nobody will believe what I have lived through.Yet, I can still walk and talk, cook, cry and pray, and I haven't killed anyone yet. I have written many poems and a few songs.

Holler at me on Facebook----Peggy Collis

IF there is a "god" it is NOT a kind and loving "god" as bible thumpers will have you believe. Trust me I share your anger! I won't post my long very personal story here but I will say that I find movies like Hannibal and The Boondock Saints (and I love the show Dexter!) very appealing. Although unless I am put in a situation of protecting someone or myself it is highly unlikely I would ever do anything like that but not because I don't want to! I can't stand the thought of the people who abused me or others going on with life as if nothing happened!

Cuppycake, I do know that God says, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay..."  You can bet He has a certain punishment for these ogres.

[jcribb16]

Thank you girlfriend   I take it you had a wonderful Christmas/New Year's with your loved ones.  We need to keep in touch via email.  I'm so bad at that but will make an extra effort.  Been a bit under the weather, but feeling better now. 

It's been raining in sheets for days and days.  If I didn't know the Bible any better, I'd be looking for a present day Noah....lol  However, we know that the earth will never be destroyed by water again.

You always have the cutest kitty pictures posted.

I had a great Christmas!  But the icing is yet to come!  This Saturday Randal (my Navy son) and his family are coming in to finally have Christmas with us.  He's been out to sea and just came back in.  I can hardly wait!!!

I do hope you are feeling better.  Right now, I'm on antibiotics, steroids, and my nebulizer for yet another asthma/bronchitis flare-up.  I have to check back in with the pulmonologist tomorrow (Monday.)  She said if things weren't improved enough tomorrow I would have to make a "visit" to the hospital.  I don't want that at all and am doing everything faithfully to hopefully avoid it.  However, it's not improving very fast.  I really hope she'll just let me stay home a few more days. 

I do love finding those kitty pictures!  Talk to you soon!     

[Annella]

IF there is a "god" it is NOT a kind and loving "god" as bible thumpers will have you believe. Trust me I share your anger! I won't post my long very personal story here but I will say that I find movies like Hannibal and The Boondock Saints (and I love the show Dexter!) very appealing. Although unless I am put in a situation of protecting someone or myself it is highly unlikely I would ever do anything like that but not because I don't want to! I can't stand the thought of the people who abused me or others going on with life as if nothing happened!

Well, the Bible does say "Behold the goodness and the severity of God".  On our part, goodness, if we walk the right way, and severity if we don't.  We all have a choice.  As far as life going on for certain individuals as if nothing happened, vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord.  There is a day of reckoning coming.....for everyone.

It's quite apparent that you neither believe in God, and/or you blame Him for your problems.  Both unwise decisions.  However, you have chosen, and the choice is yours cuppycake.  I've read some of your previous posts on different threads, and you come off as an agnostic or atheist.  I'm trying to help an individual who is hurting, and your response does nothing but to stir up more hate and anger.  While this is a public forum and you have the freedom to write what you want, it would be better not to post hate and anger at this point.....just a suggestion.

To Peggy:  I have books I can send you free of charge.  I already have them, and would love to send them to you.  I've deleted my Facebook account just last week as my identity has been compromised more than once, and I'm trying to remove as many cyber footprints as possible.  Jcribb is on there though, you could "friend" her, and maybe she could forward your contact information to me via email as she has access to it.  Only a few trusted friends have it now.

Take care and I will continue to pray for you.

[Annella]

Thank you girlfriend   I take it you had a wonderful Christmas/New Year's with your loved ones.  We need to keep in touch via email.  I'm so bad at that but will make an extra effort.  Been a bit under the weather, but feeling better now. 

It's been raining in sheets for days and days.  If I didn't know the Bible any better, I'd be looking for a present day Noah....lol  However, we know that the earth will never be destroyed by water again.

You always have the cutest kitty pictures posted.

I had a great Christmas!  But the icing is yet to come!  This Saturday Randal (my Navy son) and his family are coming in to finally have Christmas with us.  He's been out to sea and just came back in.  I can hardly wait!!!

I do hope you are feeling better.  Right now, I'm on antibiotics, steroids, and my nebulizer for yet another asthma/bronchitis flare-up.  I have to check back in with the pulmonologist tomorrow (Monday.)  She said if things weren't improved enough tomorrow I would have to make a "visit" to the hospital.  I don't want that at all and am doing everything faithfully to hopefully avoid it.  However, it's not improving very fast.  I really hope she'll just let me stay home a few more days. 

I do love finding those kitty pictures!  Talk to you soon!     

I'm sending you an email Jcribb.    you.

[ShadeTree]

Any form of abuse, especially suffered as a child, is going to have an effect on an individual. And it will even begin to effect those around them, because of how it has altered the victim. I've been through abuse, several kinds, and I know that I am by no means "normal" due to it. It has significantly screwed me up for life. I'll never be able to shake it. All I can do is try to not pass it on. My mental state is in shambles, as is my physical state. I'm a right mess. Because I suffer from all these ill side effects, it makes life in general more difficult. Basically, I live in a world of isolation, I feel "safer" that way. I know it isn't healthy, but I don't have any other options. For now. I hope to one day escape this "diseased life" I was born into... It's not fair for people like me to have their lives (or any potential) ripped away from them before they even get the chance to start living it.

To all the abusers out there in the world..... SUCK IT!!!!!!!! You aren't going to be running MY life any longer!!! I'm giving up on myself, I can find a way to rise above their poison. I WILL find a way.