If you knew of something horrible in a family's past life, would you tell?

[msmoneybags48]

I am looking at Dr. Phil and he asked a very curious question:  If you knew of something that happened in a family's member's past life, would you tell or would you allow him/her to tell?   This man, at the age of 13, killed his mother and tried to kill his father.  He became friends with another man and later began dating this man's friend.  He said he considered telling his friend but called the man and asked him if he needed to tell her, and he said no.  He gave him a choice; tell her or he would tell her.  I think that he should have told his friend of this incident, if for no other reason, so she should prepare herself.  If you knew of something that happened, would you tell?

[countrygirl12]

It depends on what it is.  Something as serious as this then yeah the girl he is dating has a right to know about his past.  I would be really upset with him and everyone that knew if I was not told something as serious as I killed a parent and tried to kill the other one.  Geez.

But if it is not something serious then I would say it is none of your business.  I don't know.  Some things people have a right to know.  If you are just friends with someone then no I don't see telling them everything.

[dreamyxo]

Probably not.  I don't get into people's business unless it concerns me. 

[6265AT99]

I do think the obligation of "telling" lies with the one who did the deed - no matter what it was- and not of anyone else to "tell".  But, if it will affect the life or lives of others and it is something significant such as the one Dr. Phil reported, I would have to say something.  After all, wouldn't you want to know if it were you???

[lvstephanie]

I agree with CountryGirl that it depends on the seriousness of the situation. I'd also add that I think it'd also depend on the outcome of the situation. If the man was diagnosed as having a mental illness when he attacked his parents, but because of that incident he is now very aware of his condition and faithfully takes his meds, goes to therapy, etc. and can function normally now, then it might not be so imperative that the other tell the girl of his past (maybe just the fact of his mental health, and leave it at that).

[ljrjess69]

hummm im not sure it all depends! 

[gramev64]

If it was a threat to the other person then I would say yes.  If not its like they say, let sleeping dogs lie.

[Sendmicheck]

he should be the one to tell this person what had happened in is life at a very young age.  If you cares about someone, tell her to be cautious.

[countrygirl12]

I agree with CountryGirl that it depends on the seriousness of the situation. I'd also add that I think it'd also depend on the outcome of the situation. If the man was diagnosed as having a mental illness when he attacked his parents, but because of that incident he is now very aware of his condition and faithfully takes his meds, goes to therapy, etc. and can function normally now, then it might not be so imperative that the other tell the girl of his past (maybe just the fact of his mental health, and leave it at that).

But...no matter how faithful he takes medication what if it were you or your daughter.  Would you not want to know he had killed a parent and tried to kill the other?  I don't guess it should be the first thing he says but if the relationship is at all serious she has a right to know.  I know a woman who claims her husband has killed like 7 people all before the age of like 11.  Not sure there is any truth to it but she swears it is true.  Supposedly they were all breaking into their house and he was home alone every time. 

[countrygirl12]

If I went out with a guy and we had a mutual friend and the mutual friend knew the guy had killed someone in his past and I was not made aware of it I would be really really mad.   Although, I just had this thought...I dated this guy a LONG time ago and something came up about murder and he acted funny.  I said "well it ain't like you have killed anybody"  he didn't respond.  I said "have you killed someone" and he said "well you got to remember I fought in a war"  BUT he didn't.  He was in the military and got a dishonorable discharge which I did not know about until a few years after we broke up.  He claims he was in Afghanistan.  But his cousin said he never was there.  And the deal with this is she was at work on night and we were talking and she was talking about her cousin (him) and she didn't know I  knew him or had ever dated him so I believe what she said.  And have a sneaky suspicion he may have killed someone.  He had a lot of secrets which is why we broke up.  I knew he was lying to me.  He eventually killed himself.  Probably about a year after we broke up.

We live in a crazy world and these days it is hard to trust anybody.

[bhiett]

Wow, that is a hard one.  The girl he is dating certainly has a right to know as it could speak to his current mental stability and potentially her safety.  Thirteen is such a precarious age and there could be extenuating circumstances such as abuse, etc.  Perhaps you could approach him again and remind him that sooner or later she will find out from someone, because if you know, there are others who know also and if the information comes from him he can explain the circumstances or treatment outcomes.  If she finds out from someone other than him, he needs to realize it would be more damaging to their relationship.

[davidh121]

This is disturbing. I guess I have to check Dr Phil on this. On the guy's side I would prefer not to tell as I might not get another chance maybe to be with someone. However, the person he's dating should know of this. I actually would feel dirty if I was blind sided by someone who didn't reveal this and I had to find out about this later on.

[lguzman1]

I not in the habit of get into peoples life, but if it was a life or death situation I would consider probably saying something.

[cateyes1]

If it were my friend dating someone who murdered someone, you better believe I would tell. God forbid if something were to happen to my friend I could NEVER forgive myself!! BUT if it were something so trivial, probably not...but then again it would depend on what it is/was