I understand. When I lost my brother I was devestated, when my Dad died it was a shock he was never sick. But 2 years ago after a battle of 9 years with cancer when my Mom died I was lost, devastated and scared. I felt lost because, she was the one that flew from Colorado to California to take me out of the hospital when I was 3 days old. She wanted me, she gave me a future that helped me not enter the system like my siblings. I was grateful to her and not a day doesnt go by that I dont miss her so much, but the pain is less because she is not in pain anymore and she is not suffering. What I am trying to tell you is your Mom will always be in your heart and you will get through this, it will take time but the pain of this day will lessen and you will find a kind of peace with the situation. Moms are harder to lose because of the bond you develope when you are young.