Breakup advice...

[g0ku4life]

So I have been with a girl for 2.5 years. Lived together that entire time. Things were fine to start, but she started changing and now I know I need to move on with my life. She just has too much baggage and is living off of Social Security for Chrons disease. She is perfectly capable of working, but she refuses to work because she gets money every month, and I want us to actually have some financial security, but she will never get off SSI. There are many other issues too, but basically I deserve to be treated better so I'm leaving her.

We live in california in a 1bdr apt, and the rest of her entire family lives in the same town or not far away. I'm from the east coast so  I have NOWHERE to go after we split here. I was thinking of saying we need time apart to decide if our relationship is right for both of us and I'll stay in the apt and pay for all the expenses and she can stay at her moms or her sisters. Problem is, knowing her, she will refuse, so any breakup advice? This is my 1st serious relationship so I dont know what to really do.

[dreamyxo]

Whose name is the apartment in?   When is the lease up?  If you cant afford a place on your own look for roommates.  Tell her she is lazy and will never amount to anything and you need better.  Don't lead her on and give her some excuse that you need to decide if it's going to work because you know it's not.  When you move change your number. 

[teen73]

It will be hard but diffently have this conversation in person.  I would say that even if you stay with her she will never marry you.  Because people on SSI can only have so much income and if they have a spouse than that is calculated in the budget for to people and if you work and make more than 999.00 a month they will take a way some of her check.  My sister married and her husband is on SSi and they took away from his check when she made anything over 900 dollars, they love each other and new this before they got married, but his disability is from a brain injury and he can't work. He can do odd thing every now and again and he does but have a job to go to everyday no.  And now she is disabiled from the job she had and she has been off work completely since 2008 she worked in the home healthcare field and damaged her back, this started in 1998 but she continued to work until the doctor told her she could not lift over 10lbs and in the field of work she was in that ment no more patience and lifting, she did this work for 12.5 years and still can't get her disability.  My advice to you is if you decide you don't want a relationsip with a person because they changed and will not better themselves and you know she can you need to end it before it gets to be longer down the road and children are involved.  I don't know how old you guys are but if you are young enough to have children and want them this is something you need to consider.

[webmasterdn]

I have been in relationships in the past but never actually lived together.

Most men talks about women how they don't understand them. And Women talks about men, how they are overly disorganized.

If you need to start a future with Financial Saving, and she doesn't want to work... Obviously she finds something that she likes to do and doesn't want to stop. Like an addict beside getting free disability money. Just start your own plan. Stay awhile. Do not ever tell her your plan. Women in general are manipulative, so one day she can say she will stop just to see what you're up to and break up your plan and in the end you end up stuck with her for the worst.

In a FAMILY there's always a leader. In a Community there's always a the Godfathers. And so on so forth, since you're a MAN, you need to start taking things seriously. Play along with whatever she come with and if she doesn't want to change, still save. Eventually when Hell breaks loose, you will have enough money and enough back-ups for everything.

If you're looking for apartments, regardless where you are visit rent(dot)com, you should find good deal lease. The rest is up to you with your pokerface...and if absolutely you give in to her and she ends up betraying you, have some sort of evidence of deals you made, then take her to court and the court will be for you and make her pay you back.

Again, relationship or not, you don't know someone not till you live with them. And anytime, any one will back stab you.

[Valerie1979]

i say sit down and talk with her -- be honest -- it will hurt her but it has to be done
if she had the apt before you moved in she should keep it and continue to pay for it, etc
you should find another apt or move in with a roommate etc --- I assume if you want to stay in Cali you have friends or connections and if not you will need to find those somehow --- it's called moving on, it's never easy no matter what the circumstances, but don't waste time and don't lead her on