Mother-in-Law Madness

[mlbevins]

I am soooooo glad that you have brought this topic up.  I have currently had a falling out with my monster-in-law.  It had nothing to do with my husband, but he now current ex-husband.  She accused me of taking information to him about the lies she had told him about the divorce.  I barely speak to the man, let alone tell him anything that she has made up, which she is really good at.  She has a perscription drug problem and you cannot discuss any topic in a general manner.  She finally pissed me off for the last time and have just completely ignored her.  She has came to my house and just welcomed herself in 3 different times since I told her to stay away from me.  The first time she came into my home I was showerin and my 4 year old was watching TV in the living room.  She came into the bathroom and began trying to dicuss with me what I was so upset about, of course in a sarcastic tone, which was not going to work with me.  I did not say a word.  She even made the comment and ask if my lips were sewn up.  I REFUSE to argue with her and that is all she wants is an arguement.  After so long of her yelling, she OPENED UP THE SHOWER DOOR while I m still showering.  I still refused to speak.  A lot of my friends said that they would have absolutely beat the you know what out of her if it were them.  Anyway, when she saw that she was not going to get a reaction out of me she left the bathroom, and then finally left the house after I got out of the shower.  A couple of weekends ago, when had gone to a local store to get bolts to finish my sons swing set and we came back to find in our house again.  I did not want to speak to her and I don't have anything to say to her.  When she came outside to confront me again, I told that I had nothing to say to her and I wanted her to get her *bleep* off my mountain.  A few words were said and I went into the house and locked the doors.  My husband argued with her for about 30-45 minutes after I came in the house and she finally left, and so far hasn't come back.  I don't have to put up with arguing and I am not going to and you don't either.  If I were in your shoes I would just cut all ties to the family.  You married your husband not his family, at least that is the way that I feel about it.  The less aggervation that I have the better off I am.   

[rcbrad]

Clearly this woman has issues far beyond not caring for you as a daughter in law.  Many times it takes a trauma or a rude awakening to get through to someone that they really need professional help. Perhaps this incident and the fact that she will be facing legal charges pressed against her will do just that.  Many times things have to get worse before they get better.  Hopefully this is the worst that it will be before things get better.    Good luck

[arms1977]

We got to Orlando and are having a blast! Looks like the weather may interfere a bit, but I am not backing down....even if that means doing all indoor activities lol. We are going to go have a nice dinner now then go see G-Force. Hopefully we are Magic Kingdom bound tomorrow and Thursday and then to Universal Studios Friday. If we have the energy we are going to Sea World Saturday. I found out a warrant was issued for the MIL....HAHA!!! We will be enjoying ourselves while she rots in jail because they do not have the money to bail her out and I have fixed our accounts so that hubby cant take money out without my knowledge. If she doesn't learn from this, she just isn't teachable lol. I want a copy of her mug shot to post all over the web!! 

[gayecat]

Good for you for standing up for yourself.  Has your spouse agreed to counseling - if he doesn't I wouldn't take him back.  What a role model for your child.

[jasoneaton]

There's a book called "The Golden Bough" that examines primitive supertitions and magical rites in some great depth.

Within those pages is a description of several ancient cultures who believed it to be the highest taboo for a man or wife to even SEE their in-laws, much less live in a house with them.

I can definitely say that this was one of the wisest superstitions to ever come down the pipe. I just can't deal with them people.

[mgarmstrong]

Wow - Souds like a reality TV show.

[arms1977]

I wish it were a reality tv show....at least I could delete it from my DVR lol.

Well, the pompous jerk still has not admited that it has been horrible for me nor has he grown a backbone and told his mother that type of behavior was unacceptable. I am finished. I made him pack up his things and leave the house until a court orders otherwise.All the locks were changed and a restraining order has been put on the MIL. I did not think I married a coward, but after all of these years it is apparent that I have. I REFUSE to endure anymore insults or abuse from this "woman." If that means leaving the love of my life behind, then so be it. I would be better off single than living a life of misery. I want my child to know that this type of behavior is not normal, so that they have a happy healthy married life when the time comes.

Disney was okay, it was more of a tourist trap than we remembered. We really had a great time though. We are glad to be back "home" and school started again Tuesday. It has been hectic, but I am sure anyone with a 9 year old can understand that lol.

I am also changing careers, so I guess you could say I am having a type of mid life crisis lol. I feel more free today than I have in a long time. I am really thankful for all of your thoughts, advice, and concerns. I am also thankful I have a pastor in the area whom I can speak freely with and get honest advice and guidance. I just wish that I had not allowed myself to be in this predicament for such a long time, but as they say hindsight is 20/20.

[DSBELL]

I am  so sorry to hear you are having this problem. My husband is diabetic also and has had his sugar levels drop on him like that too many times to count. My in-laws were the same with me. They thought I married him because he was in the military and so he could take care of me. I got the same type of treatment, not as bad as you are getting though. Anything they would say was to him and not to me. After taking it for a while I got tired of it and I told him I loved him but I was not going to continue taking what they were dishing out  and he could either set them straight or changes would be made. He finally got some backbone when he thought I would walk out on him. I knew he loved me and wanted to work this out rather than to separate. He didn't want a divorce and neither did I. He finally told them they were making both of us miserable and they could accept the fact that our marriage was more important to him. He told them that if they could not accept the marriage then he would stay away. The Air Force sent him to Korea for a year, when he came back, his Dad said that if we survived that then we could survive anything. His step-mother, on the other hand still did not accept the fact we were still together. While we were visiting with them, I talked to his Dad and told him that I did not know what I had done to cause her to feel the way she did. He said he would talk to her about it. It did not do much good. While we were there, he had a blackout when his sugar dropped. They did not know what to do for him. She tried to get me to leave and said she would take care of him. I told her that I would be the one to see about him and if she didn't approve she could leave the room. I got him to come around and got him started on taking in fluids and then put sugar inside the jaw beneath his  teeth. She had called the paramedics in the meantime. By the time they got there, he had started coming around. The parmedics told her that as low as his sugar (18) was that he was lucky he did not go into a coma. His Dad stepped in and told her if it had not been for the fact that I moved insted of thinking about what to that he could have lost his son. After that incident, she settled down some but still made her remarks. I finally cornered her in the kitchen and told her I didn't understand her attitude or why she treated me the way she did. She stated I had taken one of her boys away from them and I wasn't good enough for him. I told her that if he wanted out that he was old enough to make that decision but that she wouldn't be making the decision for either of us. Hubby let her stew for a while and she finally called and said she wanted to talk. I told her I was willing to meet her halfway but I would not take any more of her meddling. We talked for a while but we probably would not be making any trips for him to go home for a while until things were better.  I told her we have 3 boys and I did not take any crap from them and I would not take it from her. She finally came around and started acting a lot better. When we finally went back, she acted like none of that had ever happened. We have been married to date for 28 years. If he stands up to your MIL, things may get better but he has to let her know that she can't meddle and continue to run his life or yours. If he lets her know that if her attitude doesn't change that he will make a break from her then, she may start making some changes that will result in a more positve change for both of you.  By the way, my in-laws are in Tenn and we are in Ga. When he retired he stayed instead of moving back to Tenn. His choice not mine. Hopefully things will get better for both of you. Good luck and best wishes to both of you.

[RScann58]

Your husband needs to grow up and let go of mommy. He needs to defend your honor

[lucky382001]

Sometimes people just don't know how to deal with their parents because things have always been that way in their family. It is good that your husband albeit late showed that he has some limits. Your husband and you should go to a good counselor and discuss your boundaries. And it may not be that your husband has no respect for you concerning his mother, he apparently does not like confrontation.
 There also seems to be some drinking problems that need to be addressed. That always complicates things. Also I wouldn't be surprised if Mommy has managed to drive off other women that he may have some real insecurities there. Don't give him an ultimatum if you can't honestly give him another chance. Its hard but remember your husband is responsible for his actions not for his mothers. You have to be honest and let him know what you expect him to do in these circumstances...most men blow it with us because they don't know how we want them to handle things. If you love him give him another chance. Best with a counselor because there is a lot of water under the bridge. Good luck.

[klvcaudillo]

I have had similar problems with my hubby of 5 yrs but with his brother.  I don't care what race or age they are ALL MEN ARE THE SAME WHEN IT COMES TO THEIR FAMILIES!  I have had some pretty heated arguments with my hubby and some ultimatums!  They haven't all worked out EXACTLY the way I planned it but.... some way or another they have worked
I am sorry to read that you have split hopefully for your sons sake he will rethink what he is doing.  My argument was "You decided to marry me and we both have to make changes for this to work.  If you want out then you can go if you don't want to go then you will have to learn to respect me, support me and communicate with me or I will give you hell right back and the same goes for me towards you!  Happy Wife Happy Life.  If I have to feel pain and disrespect from your family then you're going to get it from me to you!"
My hubby didn't like that aragement and at first it seemed silly like I was a 3yr old but so far so good.  Don't get me wrong some times he calls me out on things too and I have to change as well ( that sucks) but it has helped our marriage. 
Good luck I hope things will turn out for the better.  My advice is he can only come back to you if...
1) visits from the MIL are pre-scheduled
2) you will not be present (so she can see her grandchild)
3) not in your home (she can't respect your home then she's not welcome) they have to meet in a public place
4) and if at any time you are disrespected again then you will not allow your child to be a part of that nonsense and she gets not visits PERIOD
If he can't follow the rules or you guys come up with a different set of rules then all bets are OFF! 
NO IF AND OR BUTS DON"T BUDGE!!!!!!

[tzs]

Sometimes you just can't understand why people can't get along with eachother as you yourself have done in your life for years.  I'm a black woman, and I am adopted, my husband is white so as you can see, its been a long road to happiness, but we are happy.

 A lot of jealousy flew around our families at first, my mom did'nt like me calling my mother-inlaw "mom", my brother was very jealous of me, because I broke away from the family and moved in with my husband, ect. He wrote " I  hope you're happy with your Whiteboy in Austin, don't ever talk to me again!"  My husband's parents didn't understand why I didn't always have dinner ready everyday for their son when he returned home, or why I had such an "unatural attachment" to my Truck ( It was a "promotion" present from my husband, which his parent's ended up making me give it up after the baby was born. They bought us a new car without telling us, and within 2 days, I had to get my truck reposessed, and I cried!!!!! Never thought we would see it go...) They claimed that it was unsafe for the baby, which of course was not true at all...... but their values in their lives dictate that "you need a family vehicle!!!!!", which is crap! I don't think that way at all!!!!

It's human nature to be jealous, but if it continues, it starts turning into an ugly selfishness, that spirals out of control. The question is do you and your husband have your heads on straight? Do both of you see eye to eye about the situation??  Have you both realized that the two of you love eachother, reguardless of your families "wins" or "losses" with eachother, and no matter what comes, you can both look at eachother and get your senses back together again at the end of the day? 

Believe me, what I wrote above wasn't even the half of my story. I could write a book about my life, but at the end of the day, I go to Our home,
I take care of MY husband, and Our child, and we don't have to answer to ANYONE about it, not even our families. Fights in families will come and go, and they will always be there for you, just don't let them manipulate to get their way. Realize that what you have created, aside from your families (your own family) is the most important thing of all, because YOU created it, and be proud of that.  Don't let anyone tear that down.

It really sucks, but sometimes you have to remind those parents (even if they don't want to hear it) that there is a gigantic generation gap between yours and their sensibilities about life, and  because of that, you will always dissagree (or you can remind yourself that they are ancient in their ways and have no business telling you how to ise your child, where to live, when to visit, and  you and your husband can laugh histerically under your breath, and walk away)

As long as you know what you got when you come home everyday, and you love it, outside factors shouldn't matter at all.

P.S. I STILL miss my truck, its just one of those things that you never thought you would own in your life, and now its gone!! Dodge Ram 1500 5.7litre Hemi engine.....
I Will have another Dodge Ram again someday.... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!(Evil, forboding laugh here!!!)


  & chicken grease!

[Dan1127]

No Offense but she sounds like she just doesn't like you