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Discussion Boards => Off-Topic => Topic started by: hensleyll on November 16, 2011, 09:40:09 am
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Anyone Have Any Suggestions On How To Convince A Loved One To Get Help.When They Refuse to accept that they Have It!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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How do you know, without a doubt, this 'person' actually is bipolar? Have they been diagnosed by a qualified psychiatrist? That is the only type of doctor who would be able to give that as a diagnosis. Or is this coming from things you have heard from other people or info found via the internet?
I say that because today it seems there are 2 very prominent 'things' almost every person you talk to has. I cannot even begin to count the number of patients I have had tell ME they know they are either 'bipolar' or have 'fibromyalgia', the 2 illnesses of the day so to speak. They just know they have it because they act like someone else who DOES have it and/or they have self-diagnosed by reading things on the internet they have absolutely NO comprehension of, but yet they are sure they have 'it'. There are days I wonder why I wasted so many years and so much money going to school when it seems everyone out there thinks they are a doctor and are more than qualified to tell an actual medical person what they need as far as meds and how they should be treated. It has gotten to the point, and I am not exaggerating here, that if you are moody/depressed the only possible reason is you are bipolar. If you are tired and have aches and pains? Well then it just has to be fibromyalgia. Sorry, but I don't buy it, never will. Pills do NOT 'fix' everything wrong in life.
If this person has been seen by a qualified doctor and has been told they are in fact bipolar/manic depressive, then they DO need medications in order to improve their quality of life. If that is the case, all YOU can do is hope they accept treatment. Badgering, yelling, and getting frustrated does neither of you any good.
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Good post jordandog.
I tend to think that almost all the 'problems/diseases/etc' people 'have/think they have' would suddenly vanish if they were put upon a deserted island and left to fend for themselves.
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If they are in denial they have a problem there isn't anything you can do about it. Short of knocking them out and dragging them to a doctor you're just wasting your breath, time and being a nag. Sometimes the best way to deal with people is just to let it go. As much as it might hurt and upset you, you can't live their life for them. They're going to do what they are going to do.
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Yes She has been diagnosed was taking meds for a while her ignorant boyfriend at time teased her about taking fake a** happy pills so she wouldnt take it anymore since; her and he split they have two young children ,he cheated got other girl pregnant married her and is fighting for his kids ,my daughter is depressed and these dr`s around here dont seem to want to give her anything but sleeping pills and percocet! I Used To get mad and argue with her now i dont i just let her vent and tell her im sorry i cant do what she wants or fix whats wrong,she is up one minute and extremely down or physco next I have searched bipolar and tried to explain to everyone around here its best not to fight with her! Just at my whitts end! Feel Helpless cant help my own kid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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besides medication she may to see a therapists or join a group...it does help
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i tried to talk to her but she refuses to seek any kind of help believes she is ok!
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Bipolar is a funny disease! I have a niece with it and yes she has been diagnosted. She has a tendancy to go through bouts where she does not even want to go out of the House. It is a hard condition for anyone to deal with!! She has had Multiple boyfriends and just about all, have broken up with her because of her condition. It is a shame because she is a beautiful 29 year old. She took meds for it for awhile but, they had aftereffects that took her off of them. This is a funny disease that is hard to medicate especially since most of the medications have problems of their own.
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sounds like my daughter ,but she is 27, and has same problems,however she has severe back problems and the med for that makes it worse!
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i myself am bi polar. i will say it is a very big deal to live with. it is a everyday struggle. i am new here. just started. my very first search is to try to find a way to talk about it.
when we are at the stage she is at, the best thing to do is ride it out. i know it is tough. i am no doctor. but i know from my own experience in life, the more people call me crazy or treat me like i dont know what im talking about or what i says matter, i fight everyone tooth and nail. that is me. that is my problem. one of them anyway. is being told what to do. i cant handle it. being judged. there are certain things that set me off. your daughter is just starting out with this. the best thing she would possibly, in my opinion only, is a therapist. some one who can listen to her vent. she needs to learn what works best for her. managing it depends on the person and how complex the disorder is for them. again, in my opinion. therapy and seeing that im not dealing with this all by myself. support. knowing that others deal with the same things i do. i am just begining to figure out my disorder for face value. you learn as you go along. she will too. she has to know that she is accepted. crazy. bi polar. mad. happy. out of control. whatever. the hardest thing to live with when you have bi polar is the fact that no matter what you do, there are things about the way your mind works that you have no control over. you cant make the crazy thoughts stop. once one little bi polar moment starts it builds and snowballs. out of control. i wish i never had it. but that again, is something i have yet figured out how to manage. im a work in progress.
i am sorry i talked so much. this is a very big topic for me.
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How do you know, without a doubt, this 'person' actually is bipolar? Have they been diagnosed by a qualified psychiatrist? That is the only type of doctor who would be able to give that as a diagnosis. Or is this coming from things you have heard from other people or info found via the internet?
I say that because today it seems there are 2 very prominent 'things' almost every person you talk to has. I cannot even begin to count the number of patients I have had tell ME they know they are either 'bipolar' or have 'fibromyalgia', the 2 illnesses of the day so to speak. They just know they have it because they act like someone else who DOES have it and/or they have self-diagnosed by reading things on the internet they have absolutely NO comprehension of, but yet they are sure they have 'it'. There are days I wonder why I wasted so many years and so much money going to school when it seems everyone out there thinks they are a doctor and are more than qualified to tell an actual medical person what they need as far as meds and how they should be treated. It has gotten to the point, and I am not exaggerating here, that if you are moody/depressed the only possible reason is you are bipolar. If you are tired and have aches and pains? Well then it just has to be fibromyalgia. Sorry, but I don't buy it, never will. Pills do NOT 'fix' everything wrong in life.
If this person has been seen by a qualified doctor and has been told they are in fact bipolar/manic depressive, then they DO need medications in order to improve their quality of life. If that is the case, all YOU can do is hope they accept treatment. Badgering, yelling, and getting frustrated does neither of you any good.
I have to agree. They need to be diagnosed first. And I also agree that pills don't fix everything in life. If they don't accept the doctors diagnosis I don't know that there is much that can be done about it as long as they aren't endangering others.
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I see what you mean. As several mentioned... bi polar is very challenging. It will take her time to eventually accept it. We feel like such aliens when reminded we have it. Be supportive. Don't enable the bi polar but remind her thru actions that you are there for her.
I know from experience that when the bi polar is at it's worst, we don't remember a lot.
Have you thought about presenting home videos to show her that she can be very different at times. My husband says it's just like a switch gets flipped. When that switch is flipped, our memory goes with it. It's almost like a blackout. Very vivid. Like a movie.
I have to get my friends and husband to help put the pieces together to figure how things. "Where did this new shirt come from?" And that's with the whole house sometimes. Encourage her to journal. It's very theraputic and when she rereads her entries, she begin to realize that at times, she doesn't know who wrote that but it's her handwriting... been there... done that...
I really hope that something I have said will prove useful for you. I know it's frustrating but remember that the bi polar makes her the opposite of her true self.
Therapy is on ever-going process for a person with this disorder. Support and love and understanding is what helps the most. Getting yourself therapy is another good way to help.
My husband and I have started to include him in on my therapy as well. He wants to learn more about it and try to understand more about it. He wants to be here to help when possible and that's what therapy can do for you. There are also support groups for family's with a member who is bi polar. You can relate more to those parents. I am on the same end as your daughter so I am hoping to help by explaining how it works. They can give you more advice about how to handle all kinds of situations. Once you start, she will feel left out. That is horrible on a person with bi polar. She will eventually follow your lead. Your acceptance will eventually help lead to her acceptance.
I hope you will keep us updated on things. I wish you all the best. I hope that your daughter will begin to improve. Best of luck and wishes.
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i have tried to talk to her she just doesnt want to accept it and really blasts me for sticking my nose in her business ,i have however tried to explain to everyone around her fighting with her only makes her outbursts worse i let her vent i refuse to fight with her,but i do thank everyone for there input and please talk away i am trying to learn it myself,at some point my parents are going to pass away and she will have to move in with me,so i would like to be somewhat prepared.
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I tell my boyfriend that vitamin supplements help when he works out but in reality they are said to help ease his bipolar symptoms. He is not medically perscribed as bipolar, as he will not seek help, but I pray for him and help him when he has the attacks
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yes well she was on meds for a while and the man she was with at time used to tease her about a fake *bleep* happy pill so now she wont take anything
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You can't make someone get help. My ex husband was/is bipolar. I took him to a psychiatrist and even put him in a hospital for an extended stay. He'd be okay as long as he was on meds but most of the time he wouldn't take them. Needless to say that ended our marriage after only 9 months.
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Mental illness is all in your head.
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First you need to assess if the person is actually having a problem or if you just think they have a problem.
Do they have difficulty functioning at work or home? yes/no
Are they unable to take care of themselves? yes/no
Do they cause harm (emotionally or physically) to themselves or others? yes/no
Are you the only one concerned about them? yes/no
If you answered yes to all the questions then nothing needs to be done. They are doing fine and you should relax about it.
If you answered no to any of the questions then you might want to approach family, friends or the individual about trying to get them to see a doctor and assess what can be done to help her out. A disorder requires not only certain symptoms but also needs to impair the persons life in some way.
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:BangHead: :bs: >:( :-X :notworthy:
Mental illness is all in your head.
First and foremost. while posting something new in a place where you are not in any way affected causes a big problem. are you tryin to make someone hostile.
do research before you actually think you know all about something. i have dealt with mental illness for 23 years now. i'm no expert, but i can assure you i know more than you think you know.
third... it is a PROVEN fact that mental illnesses are caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain. let me explain where you can understand...
There are fluids that control how your brain works. things that aren't controlled by anything other than the brain. SO! therefore if those chemicals are wrong, the brain works incorrectly. THEREFORE, a person's body and mind can be affected by such chemicals.
I ask that you keep your mouth closed unless you can contribute to the conversation. Read the rules. I'm sure they have a dummy version.
Being since I have bi polar I think I handled this situation like an adult. By brain didn't tell me that at first. Hence the warning; I won't give any more. I will get kicked off the forum on this subject. You need to remember that your words Affect people. with an A. it has a different meaning than Effect. with an E. look it up.
:BangHead: :angry7: :notworthy:
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The best thing you can do is just to convince them to see someone. If they are upset a lot tell them they need help for that. Don't try to diagnose someone if you don't have the training.
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Just work with them more on it. Don't be so forcing
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i tried to talk to her but she refuses to seek any kind of help believes she is ok!
The funny thing about many forms of mental illness, but especially a manic-depressive illness is that people can very easily believe they are ok. Many times when they take the medication & the symptoms level off or no longer manifest they stop taking it because they believe they are "cured." When their symptoms begin to manifest again they often deny them & explain them as normal emotions, believing that if anyone else was going through what they were going through they would also react the same way.
Some people, over time, learn to manage their symptoms & keep their emotions on an even keel without medication. Others become somewhat delusional & deny there is a problem, blaming it on others or becoming defensive. It is often like an addiction and one must reach a "rock bottom" or face an intervention before they admit the truth.
Sadly there are some who get so out of hand they wind up living on the streets, addicted to drugs or alcohol, in jail, or being involuntarily committed until they receive proper treatment.
If she is adverse to taking prescription drugs maybe the suggestion of behavior modification therapy as a treatment will get her to be more receptive. She may not realize that the drugs her ex made fun of her for taking are not the only option.
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regular family doctors should not be diagnosing mental problems and they should not be allowed to prescribe mood enhancing or altering medication. BI-POLAR IS OVER DIAGNOSED AND A FIT ALL BROUGHT ABOUT BY PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES TO RAKE IN THE BIG BUX. THEY'VE GONE SO FAR NOW TO PRESCRIBE MENTAL HEALTH MEDICINES FOR STOP SMOKING AIDS.....VERY DANGEROUS
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I AHVE AN ASSOCIATE DEGREE IN HUAN SERVICES, WITH MY MAJOR IN PSYCHOLOGY, AND I'M WORKING TOWARDS MY BACHELORS....OVER DIAGNOSING BI-POLAR IS A HUGE PROBLEM IN THIS COUNTRY.
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:BangHead: :bs: >:( :-X :notworthy:
Mental illness is all in your head.
First and foremost. while posting something new in a place where you are not in any way affected causes a big problem. are you tryin to make someone hostile.
do research before you actually think you know all about something. i have dealt with mental illness for 23 years now. i'm no expert, but i can assure you i know more than you think you know.
third... it is a PROVEN fact that mental illnesses are caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain. let me explain where you can understand...
There are fluids that control how your brain works. things that aren't controlled by anything other than the brain. SO! therefore if those chemicals are wrong, the brain works incorrectly. THEREFORE, a person's body and mind can be affected by such chemicals.
I ask that you keep your mouth closed unless you can contribute to the conversation. Read the rules. I'm sure they have a dummy version.
Being since I have bi polar I think I handled this situation like an adult. By brain didn't tell me that at first. Hence the warning; I won't give any more. I will get kicked off the forum on this subject. You need to remember that your words Affect people. with an A. it has a different meaning than Effect. with an E. look it up.
:BangHead: :angry7: :notworthy:
Re read my comment. ONLY READ WHAT IS WRITTEN, not what you THINK I intended to say. After you read it again I will assure you that you will find it humorous and empathetic.
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First you need to assess if the person is actually having a problem or if you just think they have a problem.
Do they have difficulty functioning at work or home? yes/no
Are they unable to take care of themselves? yes/no
Do they cause harm (emotionally or physically) to themselves or others? yes/no
Are you the only one concerned about them? yes/no
If you answered yes to all the questions then nothing needs to be done. They are doing fine and you should relax about it.
If you answered no to any of the questions then you might want to approach family, friends or the individual about trying to get them to see a doctor and assess what can be done to help her out. A disorder requires not only certain symptoms but also needs to impair the persons life in some way.
Serial killers become serial killers because no one sees the "symptoms" of their illness. My grandmother had cancer for years before the symptoms became evident. Sometimes no one will be concerned if no one else is.
The point: there are many "high functioning" individuals in society with illnesses that are not being treated. If a person is diagnosed with an illness it rarely corrects itself without being treated and the symptoms may begin to manifest again at any point in time. Better safe than sorry. She would be much better off monitoring her condition than just ignoring it.
If a person gets AIDS & lives a normal life for 15 years after they can still die of AIDS. The same is true of mental illness.
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With my experience, usully the police get involved, sort of a "rock bottom" kind of thing. That is the way my brother got diagnosed. My mother was the one who called for help, because he had tried to kill himself earlier that day (unbenounced to me, of course) When he found out my mom called the cops, it was like a 360 change of personality!! He immediately lost it, snapped! He tried to stab my older brother first when he stepped in. Luckily, my older brother removed the knife from his hands, but unfortunately, not before he got stabbed.(like on the side of his stomach) My Dad was protecting me and my Mom. My brother went straigt thru my Dad (who was also military police, and a big guy) and chased my Mom outside the house, who, by this time swept me up in her arms with a blanket and my teddy, and took me to our neighbors house. My mother was crying hysterically, and reassuring me that everything was ok with my brother, but of course, I knew that wasn't the case. At the neighbors, my mom placed me on their couch by the front window I was able to sit up on their couch and look out, and saw this crazy surreal scene, sort of like it was in the movies or something. Or a bad dream I was having. My brother had some kind of "super strenght". 4 cops and 2 paramedics where trying to hold my brother down, and he refused to leave without a fight,and these where military cops~Those are some big dudes! My brother tossed them around like a child would toss around stuffed animals. One after another, they got tossed off from him, and they kept going back for more. They finally pinned him down, 2 cops with their knees on his back and 1 paramedic administering a sedative shot. My brother's face was pinned to the ground, (you could see the dust he was blowing off the ground from being so winded and wound up) and he screamed like a caged animal untill the drug began to take effect. When they started to move him to the ambulance,the neighbor's son (who just so happened to be my brother's best friend at the time) pulled me away from the window, and said " Dont worry, Your brother is going through tough times, he'll be okay". About a week later, he got sent off to Arizona to a special facility that specializes in bipolar and drug addiction.
One of the most frightening, but fascinating situations I ever experienced, I will never forget it.
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I Wouldnt say anything to discourage someone in any way ,I Love My Daughter And I know it is a disease she cat help!
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omg! I Hope My Daughter Never Gets That Bad But Her And Her Sister Has Been Locked Up For Fighting!
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You cannot control the actions of others - only your own.
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All you can do is be there and support them any way you can. You cannot force anyone to get help or admit to having a problem. I been having same issue with my youngest sister. She has attempted suicide 7 times since january of last year. Police, courts and doctors have stepped in and helped as much as they can. She still wont admit that there might be a problem. We all are out of options as what to do.
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Have someone else talk to them, if you are trying to tell them something they do not want to hear, they will shut you out. A third party will probaby be better and maybe some information on it.
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Would love to do that but my daughter would be offended that i even talked about her !
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Would love to do that but my daughter would be offended that i even talked about her !
I can completely understand why you would say this. There is often a lot of paranoia along with bipolar, so if she DID know you were on here, or anywhere, discussing what you're going through with a bunch of 'strangers' it would reinforce everything negative in her eyes.
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I experienced four episodes with my daughter who was diagnosed with bipolar at the end. She was baker acted as many times and even though she was diagnosed as bipolar she denies it and doesn't take any meds for it. Perhaps she was doing drugs who knows, the doctors did not tell me any thing regarding drugs...it'd much harder when the person is an adult because of confidentiality laws.
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I think you should.... u know i was going to write something, but i am so not an expert ... but if the person values your friendship they should at least meet u half way and get help.
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We will see!
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just be honest with them.
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I can see how this could be hard and in hard situations like this I believe that tough love is the way to go. You can't worry about hurting feelings in the short term when you have the best long term interest in mind.
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So... did this person kill them self yet?
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OMG! How Could You Say That!
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Anyone Have Any Suggestions On How To Convince A Loved One To Get Help.When They Refuse to accept that they Have It!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've known a couple of people who had it and it was the same with them. One wouldn't go in for testing the other did get meds but won't take them half the time. I wish I had a suggestion for you. Good luck.
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Thats basically what happened with my daughter and her ex ,he teased her now he gone gut on his meds and living a good life! But she chooses to not move ahead no matter how much we have tried to talk to her!
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I would say urge him to go after what he loves and it will help with him being bipolar less.
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Some times it takes our children years to accept that they are Bi Polar. Look for a book by DR. Peter Martin, Amazon has it. it will help you and her understand the bipolar disorder better. It is a daily struggle.
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thanks will try to find it!
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I MAY BE ABLE TO HELP I AM a Facilitator for a supprt group and the best thing is if you have all ready get your love one to dr to be diagnosed. If have good and they put him on meds 2nd try get thm understand it is a chemical balance we are people just the same nothing has changed the only thing is get books let them go to meeting listen to other talk and there experience go to the DBSA website alot information there remember though he has the choice and hope it will be the right one i am Bipolar and i hit rock bottom at age 40 now i feel great now and am a facilitator i have grown it took me awhile until i heard it from a pro i had it and i went to meeting and you should go as well to learn and if he cant accept it right now go to a meeting yourself and you may here sim story how they get there love one to go www.dbsalliance.org is the website im here to chat anytime
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Thank you i will look into this even if i can get then to go maybe i can learn how to deal with them because im clueless!
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My brothers ex wife was and she was a nightmare. On medicine but it didn't help and after 16 years with him she cheated, so he is now off the hook
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It Was Exactly Opposite For My Bros Wife!